Have You Seen Her

In your absence I build courage so that in you presence I get weaker.
And I'm diggin every metaphorical piece of beauty from your curls to the stain on your converse sneakers.
Others grow pride in ya stride while I stand by from the side aiming to grow meeker,
I wanna do the same as you while remaining complicated, like conversions of gallons to liters.
And every man, women, and child witness my profession of homage cause I was glad to meet ya.
While others disrespect when words spoken resemble, "I'll get at her when I see her."
But have you seen her,
My girl radiates respect into the hearts of the most prudent,
And if had to be materialized, she would be the last cup of noodles to a dorm-living college student;
Priceless!
You're above the cliche Goddess status, so fuck calling you Isis.
You're vital to me like light is to photosynthesis.
And of all women in the world, I am honored to call you a hoe.
And I would surrender every red cent in my potential possession to see how far you will go.
You have always been free to dream and free to be sought,
So yes, I'm in constant need of my free thought.

Mr. Morton

"I'm tired payin taxes, sendin emails and faxes, tired of crooked cops, tired of black folks complain that crime wont stop. I wanna go to a place where lovers go, do the things that lovers do, no stress, a sweet caress from me to u."

It's been a long time since I actually attempted to pursue a young lady that was worth my time and actually reached my standards. The time has come where I have met such a woman. Now, I'm baffled at how to handle this situation. I going to be blunt, I have failed many times in these types of situations, many times.
Needless to say I'm trying really hard not to fuck this one up. The problem is I keep second guessing myself. I don't wanna creep her out by talking too much and at the same token I don't want to not talk and make her think I'm not interested, cause I am. It's been a long time since I've had to do this. Maybe, I should just be myself. Problem is myself is the same person that was fucking up in the past. I know she should like me for me but it's all about presentation. Sometimes I wish I was Mr. Morton:


But then again, I'm a man. I already know the pains of rejection. I mean how much worse could it really get. I have learned, while under these stars, that life is nothing if you have no one to share it with. I'm far from desperate or in need of a woman to complete me. But sometimes, I wish I had someone waiting for me when I got back to my dorm or someone I could chill with in a romantic setting. Friends can only do so much. I am nowhere near lonely ,but a female companion would be real nice. That is all I ask for.

Emergency

I saw my first black firefighter the other day. As I was walking down that oh-so familiar street of rebellion, past the corner of thought and frustration, towards home, I heard the sound. Upon hearing this sound, I knew that an emergency was amidst. That somewhere, unknown to my presence, someone was in distress, discontent, and disorientation ;and needed to be saved from either themselves or from an aspect of their environment. The sound approached from the back but I had no interest in looking back because I knew what approached. First I recognized the front of the vehicle and knew that it was a red engine firetruck. For a moment time stood still and my mind reverted to a memory of my childhood.
When I was in kindergarten, I was sick the day the class went to the fire station. Therefore, I had not seen a red engine fire truck when the rest of the class did. Needless to say, the rest of the class did see a red engine firetruck. The day I returned to school, I distinctly remember playing on the third rung of the jungle gym. The same sound that was entering my ears in my conscience mind was playing, the fire truck engine siren. I looked in amazement in hope to see the red engine fire truck that I had not seen before. As soon as the red of the truck could be processed in my 5 year old mind, the little boy next to me said, "Oh that's no big deal, we saw those yesterday." And all the other kids continued back to their games of tag and other childish follies. From that point on, red engine fire trucks never amazed me.
So in non-amazement I watched the front of the red engine fire truck pass by, but as the red engine fire truck passed, something caught my eye. And until that moment I never realized that I had not seen one. Hanging from the back of the truck was a black fireman. To others he just looked like another black man, but to me he was a superhero. To me he was the real life John Henry. A black man that was often overlooked because of his skin complexion, but would do his damnedest until his heart gave out. And I stood on the sidewalk like a 5 year old kid in awe of my childhood hero that I met 14 years late. I say all that to say, do not let society make you forget that black heroes are more than people on T.V. that where suits and give speeches. My heroes are those with wisdom, not knowledge.

Going to House

A lifetime without words is a pointless and useless life without expression and happiness. It's been a while since the last time I have written anything outside of school. I have a lot of things to talk about.

As I was walking to my temporary home I was thinking, exactly what is home? Some say home is where the heart is, but is the heart established in a particular territory. After talking amongst a few of my peers, they say that home is not necessarily a particular space, but can be identified as the place where you can say you learned the most. In my case that would be Greenwood, Mississippi. In actuality, Mississippi is a place where I spent the least amount of time during my 19 years under the stars. So how does time effect where your heart is and therefore where your home is? Home, to me, can not be defined by territory. I hear people around me say they're going home to Baltimore or some far off state. When I say I go home, I go to the place that settles my soul. Home is simply in words. A lot of people may not understand that concept and I do not expect a lot of people to understand how articles, adverbs, adjectives, and conjunctions could ease one's soul. Well let's see. In life there are few constants. Even the constants that we think are constants are actually not. Words are a combination of an ever changing constant. Rarely do definitions change but often writing changes. In other words, writing will never leave me and as long as my mind still fathoms the concept of variation, repetition, and pronunciation, words will forever be my home.

An Update

Just lettin all my readers know that at this time, I am out of commision until I get my internet hooked up in my new dorm.

Villiain

What makes me different from most people is a sense of ruthless aggression towards a given passion. I will die over something that I am strongly passionate about. There lies the inquisitive ultimatum. If I am to have this ruthless aggression for something I think is right and society thinks is right then that makes me a hero. I would be on the lines Superman, Batman, The Hulk, Spiderman, The Fantastic four, or even Aquaman. BUT, if I were to fight for something that is right to me and wrong to society, then that would make me a villain. I would be in the league with Lex Luthor, The Joker, The Abomination, The Green Goblin, Dr. Doom, or the Black Manta. I am at a crossroads of my life. I have always felt that with my hands and my mind, I have the power to change the world. The thing that frightens me a little is the oh so important decision between heroism and villain.
Now looking at the two different classifications from a narrow mind, I can see the vast difference between the two. One does good and one does evil. But is evil not an aid to good. I'm no devil worshiper, but Satan brings a lot of people into the light of The Lord. Think about it, people of the church blame all bad things on the devil and the temptations that the devil offers. In response to those temptations, they turn to The Lord. I am a proud Christian. I know that whenever the devil tempts us, we turn to God. So is there really an evil or a socially unaccepted or an unattractive hero? With evil, good would seem unimportant.
What bothers me is my ignorance of what society says. That makes me more of a villain. Honestly, I'll take being a villain towards ignorance. A mere mortal powered by the creator of the yellow sun. Sent from the heavens to rid this world of its problems. Future is unknown, present is apparent, past is an instructional manual. Brown. Damn it feels good to be unattractive.

Going On

Have you ever considered that you are a role model even if you do not think you're being noticed? After watching this amazing video, I have noticed that in every action a person takes another person is waiting to emulate that person. If you claim to be an improvement to the black community. Ladies: that's means putting on some clothes when you are in the eyes of children. By all means, be "grown," but do not forget about that 12-year-old girl who looks at you like you do no wrong. I don't like talking about what women should do, but men follow women. If a woman acts like a lady, then a man will act like a gentlemen to attract the young woman. I don't really know but it's just a thought.

This video's main concept is to follow your dreams and fear not your success nor your loneliness or your potential failures. Overall, be yourself and follow what's in your heart. If you don't have it, BUY the Odd Couple by Gnarls Barkley

Where?

Can somebody please tell me what happened to all the free thinkers? I can remember a time in my life when people did things for the satisfaction of themselves and not the approval of other people. A time where minds were free to question any variable in life, regardless of tradition or history. Somewhere during my 19 years under these stars, people started to "evolve" into straight line thinkers. A straight line thinker is an individual that will only see an aspect in one view. If something funny happens to a mass group of people, then it's funny to that person. Basically they have no opinion of their own, but fall in line with what others say. These people are the people you see in cults or follow every fashion/trend or live by the words of Lil Wayne, Jeezy, or any other individual that is not a religious deity. In consequence, straight line thinkers usually live in misery and depression. The Bible even says in Romans chapter 12 verse 2,

"And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what that is good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God."

Even God Himself says be not conformed to the ways of the world. Straight line thinkers think they should have credit for every idea because new ideas in their narrow minds are rare.

What happened to all the free thinkers? Does age act as kryponite to the super human strength of free thinkers minds? What powers did W.E.B. DuBois, Booker T. Washington, Gandhi, Huey P. Newton, Bobby Seale, Angela Davis, Stockley Carmichael, Malcolm X, MLK Jr., Jackie Robinson, Emmit Teale's mother, Rosa Parks, James Baldwin, Zora Neale Hurston, Langston Hughes, Nietzsche, Shakespeare, Jesus, and many other unnamed free thinkers have to not be overcome with temptation to conform to this world? Was it that they wore lead body suits to protect them from the evil essence of kryptonite? Or did they take one of Phizers countless drugs to keep their sane mind? Or was it simply that they took every opinion as an opinion and NOT fact like so many people of this time do? Maybe if people would educate themselves art would never be banned, free thinkers would not conform for the inheritance of a quick dollar, writers would not fear writing the truth, liberating musicians would not be considered strange, people would actually listen instead of judge, or maybe people would actually give a fuck about other people. But what do I know, I just think for myself.

19th

Nineteen years under these stars. While the stars haven’t really changed, I have. It's funny how four years ago I would not have imagined my life being like this. NIneteen years on this earth doesn’t seem long to old people, but 19 years is a lifetime to me. Nineteen years under this unseen force of gravity. While it keeps me grounded, sometimes I want it to ease up and let me fly. Here I am on the 19th year of my life and I ask myself, what has changed? I have realized that life is much more than a heavily dictated metaphor that makes someone smile and say, “You know Bryant is kind of smart.” Some may say that at this point in their life they wish to be rich or have things easy, but if there is one thing that I have figured out in these 19 years is that without struggle, there is no identity. Bryant, are you saying struggle is necessary? Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying. People that do not struggle tend to be fucked up. I do not look for struggle and I do not avoid struggle. In these 19 years I have made my mistakes and have reached some of my goals. I have also surprised myself. They say that most people find themselves in college. I have yet to find myself completely but I have become closer to the source that will bring me closer to finding my identity. I have always compared my life to a dark room in which I’m trying to get out of. Before, I was wandering with my eyes closed and trying to feel my way to the door. Now I have opened my eyes and realized that this room is really a big mansion and now I have a flashlight. My future is no longer in question due to its journey. I always knew that I wanted to change the negatives of my people and make this world a better place by doing so. Honestly I could give less than two damns about politics because the revolution will not come in the form of reform or passed bills or constitutional amendments. This radical change in society will come in the form of people changing people. If I could, my major would be role model, but now that need for helping people has evolved. While some try to convince me my decisions are going to be too hard for me to bear, but as I have stated before I do not avoid struggle nor do I long for it. As a child I often watched the preachers of my life speak and make the uncommon seem familiar. I often questioned how they could do such a powerful thing? How can one man speak for 45 minutes once a week and have this great influence? In these 19 years of my life I have found out that it’s not the method, it’s the message. Nineteen years under these stars and I have questioned, rebelled, rejected, and avoided the most influential factor in my life, God. I have spent many of hours asking for forgiveness for my stupidity and I think God has placed a task in front of me. He asked me to spread his word, but not just from a Christian point of view, but from the pulpit. Now I see that all the aspects of my life in these 19 years under the stars all add up. The struggle, the need to help people, the message, and most importantly God, and it all makes sense. Nineteen years under these stars and while the stars have not changed, the stars have changed me. Regardless of what my parent may try to comprehend, I will pursue this dream. The eyes of the ordinary may not understand this, honestly, I do not fully understand it all yet. But through prayer and meditation the clarity will come. It took me 19 years walking this mundane earth to realize how important some things are and how unimportant other things are. Nineteen years under these stars.

It all makes sense

This is all a dream. I'll wake up at 4:36 in the morning on a Monday of the 3rd week of August and realize that I'm late for band camp. In my run to the field I'll realize that my freshman year hasn't even begun. I'll tell all the band people that I don't yet know about the realest dream I've ever had. They'll all laugh at me and instantly, I'll become the new crazy guy in the band. This must be a dream because in the real world, what person has such a great life? Regardless of the bumps that happen every time I roll over, this dream was the best. Other than in a dream, where can an individual meet such good people. When I say good people, I don't mean people that are perfect. These good people are the best people in the world. These good people help me realize that my dreams are attainable. These good people have told me that regardless of my personal fears, all goals are lateral, only a quick jog away.

To the Band
The lessons I've learned can not be close to being captured in words. Just when a person thinks he knows himself, he learns something new. Just when a person thinks he can't push any further, you say keep pushing. I can't wait til I wake up because these dreams of greatness will definitely motivate my reality. They have done greatness for this small piece of subliminal life.

To The Phreaks
Bricks
Brains
Board
Bruises.
None of these have the potential of possibly explaining how my drive phor, not just band, but phor LIFE have been increased. If only this wasn't a dream, I could show you how miserable my life really is, but in this dream, I will PHorever be thankful and great-phul for the inspiration. In reality I will use this inspiration to get me through the tough times that are assured to come.

To my Drew Hall Brothers,
I Love MY Drew Hall. You already know. I can't imagine Howard without my heatbox of a room. This dream has been comforted by this Full Twin and these hot sheets. More importantly, my Drew Hall brothers have given me something that I haven't had in a long time, Home. As a child I never had brothers. I never experienced a brother-to-brother bond or fight. Honestly, I think I might have had too many, but I'll neva get tired of them. Maybe when I wake up, I can fully enjoy it.

To my Ace
I’m guessing that in every dream, you need a guide. As I sit here and wonder what the purpose of this dream is, I realize that my guide is an exact replica of what I am. So in essence I can't stand anything about me, but will die in protecting all senses of myself. Therefore, Ace, this journey is far from over. Whenever I awake, I will find you again and we shall do great things.

To the bear, the steroid king, mighty Sparta, yoshi, and the rest of the crew,
I pray to the heavens that whenever this journey of a dream is over, I will awake and a group of friends who are as loyal and trustworthy will exist. In many ways the steam engine that makes one stop at my dreams is powered by your water. Your tolerance of my craziness is impeccable. All of you will be needed in my awoken world.

For the girl who drove me crazy
You are the bearer of headaches. How I met yo crazy ass in my dreams still amazes me. But like I always say, no struggle no identity. Somehow, even after all the time you pissed me off to no ends, I came back. I returned embracing your every move and want. In my dream, I now realize that you symbolize the struggle that I love. The pain that I am soooooo addicted to. It's really going to take the rest of this dream to act as rehab against this horrible addiction. But remember, I still love you and will look for you in my awaken state.

For the girl I let go too easy
You asked me, who was my biggest crush in this dream. I did not answer. I can remember in the genesis of the dream, you reminded me of everything a proud black woman should be. Your skin radiated with the glow of my ancestors smile. Your smile reflected the memories of struggles boasted upon by old black folk on country porches. Your hair was locked like my soul is tied to my people. I could have sworn I met the woman of…well my dreams. But I soon realized that you were not mine to have. You were a symbol of the fight I have yet prepared myself for. When I wake from this dream, I will prepare myself for the fight ahead. Because rather later in this dream or in reality, I will NOT lose this fight again.

For the girl I’m not done with yet.
After many attempts, it would seem that I have failed. I can't stop missing you and I can't help but wait. In this dream maybe you’re a puzzle that I can't figure out. You grab my attention with your mystery and your intellect. In this dream, I am not done trying to unlock all the goodies from your mind. You have to have some kind of effect on me because you led me to baldness. When I awake, it would be unfair for God to withhold you from my life. But if it is to happen, No doubt, I will riot to the heavens just for your presence.

So, As I roll in my unconscious state of life, I realize that my dreams must change with my realities. But Life is so FUCKIN GOOD. I’m RIDIN HIGH. Now I just wait till I awake.

Ah

It never ceases to amaze me when I see a blank page and a keyboard awaiting my percussive strokes on the various letters.

In the essence of time, my space is insignificant. Therefore, as a man, I should not do things for personal glory. My Father and father told me a long time ago that a man is one who keeps his eyes on the the Lord, takes cares of his responsibilities to his family, and uplifts himself as a part of his community. Therefore, what am I? It is easy to SAY you are a man. As my best friend once asked me, "What are you doing?" At that time I said nothing.

As a human being there are three different types of decisions we make as individuals. There are small decisions: left or right. There are medium decisions: pants or shorts. There are hard decisions: yes or no. Honestly, there are some decisions that we as humans can not make. I believe that history is written before the books are published. What a person does is already predetermined. Life is not how breath commenced in one's infant body or the last breathe in your lungs. The goal is set. The bar has been put to its maximum height. Life is not the preface or the afterward. Life is the novel. Life is not the capital letter or the punctuation. Life is the adjective. In other words, life is the process.

In many and abundant ways, a man's actions are much more potent and concentrated than his words. So why is art so important to the survival of one's individual mind? Many people tend to conform to the rules and regulations of society. Some of these rules are vital to the survival of the individual. On the other hand there are unwritten rules of society that people don't have to follow, but choose to follow regardless. These rules are pointless and have probably been instilled into the minds of most individuals. Why? It is perfectly fine to follow these rules but ignorant to follow any rules without questioning the foundations of the institution. That's where art is the main means of survival in an ignorant world. Only through art can an individual appreciate something for what they want it to be. Only in these words can a person analyze, depict, destruct, and destroy any concept known to the mind of man.

All together.

Today I was asked, "Who are you?". In the context of the conversation, the question was supposed to be hurtful and have an underlying point of saying I have no identity in the mind of the individual. Men make mistakes and men understand the concept that life is much more than one decision. What I do in one situation can not outline nor define me. The definition of me is so complex so complicated that the essence of an adjective could not depict the nouns that surround the overall presence of the smallest atom in this shell called my body. The definition of me could not be fathomed by the descriptive adverbs that help the verbs complete actions that are pointless and yet so potent in action. The definition of me could not hold the concept of defining an article that is neither definite nor indefinite but definitely one of the above. Therefore causing an inverted and self-inflicted identity crisis in concrete words such as 'a' or 'the'. My art outreaches the nucleus of your ignorance, so I would advise you to never question or attempt to form words to define me. or you will be lost.

none

You know whats funny, Life. It is amazing how at one moment you can be on the most amazing pursuit of happyness and the next moment you feel happyness is a distant and a fantasy like ideal. An ideal thats confuses you like the concept of love. This may sound depressing, but when does one actually reach happyness? I always wanted to ask a Buddhist's, "How do you know if you haven't already reached Nirvana?" If life is about the pursuit of happyness, will it really be worth it once you obtain it. For me, the struggle of finding solutions has always given me a kick. So when the answers have been found and put into practice...whats next? After you have reached all of your goals and have obtained all of dreams, what do you do? Well, I suppose, one will never reach happyness because the goal in which you desire will change.

I dont know if anybody knew, but one of my many dreams as a child was to be a rockstar like most children wanted to be. In my case, I always wanted to be rapper. I dont think anyone can deny that as a child they sung their favorite while imagining they were performing a concert. Lord knows i did that to every will smith song that came on the radio. Side note: will smith is one of my favorite rappers. Recently i was blessed with the opportunity to record three songs. A dance, a fight, and a conscience song. I am convinced that the rap career is not my forte. I can say that i have fulfilled one of my dreams. to fulfill a dream feels like a laugh at funeral after watching your father crack jokes even in the aftermath of his fathers death. To all my poets out there, to fulfill a dream feels like that fifth to twelfth line when everything just flows free. To fulfill a dream feels like your first two points in a basketball game or your first touchdown in football or your first hit in baseball or your first goal in soccer. To fulfill a dream feels like you have actually achieved this mysterious happyness. BUT, as my mother says their is a negative to every positive. So here i am, MR. REVOULUTION, trying to rap. I quickly realized that in those three songs, i did everything that i dispise about my people. I called women bitches, called black men niggas, and spoke on actions i don't do.

My happyness was halted because i spoke on things that were socially acceptable. Now this is a great point. Socially acceptable. During the course of my life i have been all types of different. but the adjective that stands out the most is weird. This is perfectly fine with me because normal just ain't right. Whats funny to me are those who try to fit within the parameters of society acceptability. Those people are weird. People who dress in a fad. Those who speak a dialect that is different from their own just to fit into the regulations of cool. When i recollected on this, i realized that i ,again, had contradicted myself. Thus, the bald head. Honestly, I don't give two parts of a loose shit what anybody had to say about and still don't. This will probably not offend anyone because most of ya'll will probably scroll to the bottom, leave a shitty ass comment and goon with your day. Not to disrespect other writers, but why is it that erotic writers and those who write about self actualization get more respect than writers who speak conscience subjects. Like my old motto states, if sex sells, i will forever be without money but rich in words. So you see, even within my own actions and passions, i find and lose happyness.

Nigga

He said, he’s not a black man, he’s a nigga,
He said, he’s not a black man, he’s a nigga,
He said, he’s not a black man, he’s a nigga,
He said, I’m not a black man I’m a nigga.

In that quick second, my whole being was frozen in clouds doubt
And my soul dropped lower than my body’s leniency would allow,
My universe exploded, leaving a poisonous and deadly sun-blockin dust
Ignorance wasn’t exiled so niggas still use excuse like I don’t know and just cause
They call my sisters bitches and sluts no matter what,
Only thing my voice could project was what the fuck?
Why should I be stressed by our personal oppression,
Carrying the weight of our niggerish regression?
My energy steady pressin my brain in to find pointless solution and answers
My body shut in the constant fear of cancer
So I dreamt of a dancer, her hair naturally nappy
She exiled her ignorance so she’s constantly happy
Has the body of what everyman wants they woman to be
But leaves it to the imagination because she don’t want everybody to see.
Understands the struggle, favorite song is read a book
Hates the radio cause her brothers have turned into crooks
No other men spit game because they know she sees the truth
Her name is Revolution but for short I call her Lu
In my dream I marry her and vow to her knowledge
Promise the fate of my people, just to pay homage
And in more than February they would acknowledge
That this great people are in face of great promise
Then I wake to the world

He said, he’s not a black man, he’s a nigga,
He said, he’s not a black man, he’s a nigga,
He said, he’s not a black man, he’s a nigga,
He said, I’m not a black man I’m a nigga.

In that quick second, my whole being was frozen in clouds doubt
And my soul dropped lower than my body’s leniency would allow,
My universe exploded, leaving a poisonous and deadly sun-blockin dust
Ignorance wasn’t exiled so niggas still use excuse like I don’t know and just cause
They call my sisters bitches and sluts no matter what,
Only thing my voice could project was what the fuck?
I’ll search for her, but Lu I’ll never find
And even if my body shuts down, she’ll still be in my mind
Sharing her passionate thoughts and crying tears of concentrated inspiration,
Leaving my brain wanting and desiring constant and frequent education
For I have sparked her essence and use everything she has given
And she will move on whether or whether not I’m livin.
My first objective free my mind of this society’s prison
The next…well it seems pretty given.

He said, he’s not a black man, he’s a nigga,
He said, he’s not a black man, he’s a nigga,
He said, he’s not a black man, he’s a nigga,
I said, he's a black man, not a nigga.
Change.

Hot fries and a Fruit Punch

Hopefully you will get it.

Hot fries and a Fruit Punch
Hot fries and a Fruit Punch
Don’t ask me for too much,
Just got Hot fries and a Fruit Punch

Simplicity
Really the antagonist of complexity
Legacy
Construing the path for those next to me
Destiny
Bespeaking the checkpoints for the rest of we
Felicity
Act of disguising of what is close to me.

Hot fries and a Fruit Punch
Hot fries and a Fruit Punch
Don’t ask me for too much,
Just got Hot fries and a Fruit Punch

Survival
Subsisting without demise to the rival
Denial
Ingesting the verdict before the trial
Revival
Elating the spirits who’ve been defiled
Arrival
Fighting for a victory to see my people smile

Hot fries and a Fruit Punch
Hot fries and a Fruit Punch
Don’t ask me for too much,
Just got Hot fries and a Fruit Punch

My simplicity, legacy, and destiny is not shown through my felicity
Doubting the denial, will lead to the survival, revival ad arrival
My people, I guess the goal is to be equal
While the fire is getting hot, Hot fries and Fruit Punch is what we got.

An immature form of nourishment and hydration,
Steak and fries will arrive when we become patience
Change is here it’s just a little belated
Keep your eyes on the prize and your mind on the rise.

Hot fries and a Fruit Punch
Hot fries and a Fruit Punch
Don’t ask me for too much,
Just got Hot fries and a Fruit Punch

Its been a while

Its been a while since I've just written what my mind wants to write. its been a rough day, so here it goes....

When tomorrow never seems to come.

As a child, i was told that tomorrow is never promise, live for the day.
But when I hoped on the future, I am stuck like dry clay.
Honestly, there is nothing to say, make me then break me.
My life is on the line, how higher could the stakes be.
They threw bricks and stones, didn't phase me.
But the lost of emotions drives me crazy.
No on tries to change me, is that a sign.
All I want is to be loved, is that a crime
I'm tired of tryin to shine, I wanna live for me
Spent my six dollars, and I stole my free
Image of a former G, but I saved myself
Down on knee, head to sky if i need some help
Changed man since I lost my baby girl at 16
Shot the polar of myself so I could be me.
Now i catch wind, the old me is the best me
Now these dumb ass bitches are close resurrectin me
I don't wanna be him, I wanna B. Brown
The news is the nice guy is goin down.
So I got to be an ass to get what i deserve
While the nice guys wait in reserve
Maybe this another twisted use of fate
But still can tell you, I can't help but wait

Six Dollars

I got six dollars
3 for my rent
2 for my food
1 for my freedom
Now somethin ain't right.

So i went to my master, i meant my landlord and asked why do I pay when you beat me to live
When you gone probably use that money to buy my mother or cousin or long lost distant fiancé
Cause i really doubt if you care my well being
Why do I pay for this empty soul, I meant room cause workin for this ideal of being safe at home will probably be the death of me
You see, me sellin my soul for just a purpose that can neither be explained nor rationalized will deplete the essence of my love like repo day every Saturday in the hood.
And I'm supposed to be excited about life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
My pursuit of happiness is distorted by the permanent inheritance of the poverty circle caused by the landlord because he refuses to give the money from rent back to the improvement of the degraded lives of my people
My liberty was robed like the smiles of ancestors by the very systems whose main goal is to alleviate the residents whose economic status is lower instead of uplifting the community in which the live but still have the audacity to complain about bad housing conditions.
My life has been killed because my mind still has trouble dealing with past that i was not involved in and trying to pursue a future in a place that rejects me.
But

I got six dollars
3 for my rent
2 for my food
1 for my freedom
Now somethin ain't right.

So I went to my local grocer supplier, and realized that the same thing that feeds me is the same thing that kills me.
You see me drive, passion, and over distinct purpose of being on this earth can not be fathomed unless your eyes have been in the place of people’s socket.
Cashiers wonder why we call each other words that were once use to disgrace us and tarnish the life we so carefully fell upon.
I was neither grade A, USDA approved, nor acquired by the taste of the FDA, but sold for a price that has yet to be paid off with unsubstantial interest and increase.
So I’ve been marked with the ink of the farmer, branded with the steel of the buyer, and purchased by the minds of the consumer.
The words that are used to describe the love and fraternity that I have for my fellow product will never be understood by the words that are defined in the dictionary of language.
Let alone distinguished and disguised by adjectives that betrayed us to sell us to people who misused then discarded us.
This nourishment will feed my soul for prices that are imaginable and yet intangible
The proteins will derive from the meat of dead minds that I refuse to let subside, vitamins will emerge from the remnants of ancestral rage and give me the pride to stand for more, and the iron that fuels from the depths of my body will build physical and intellectual strength to fight the ignorance that was so carefully placed around my people.
And I will feed from this deliberate speed,
But

I got six dollars
3 for my rent
2 for my food
1 for my freedom
Now somethin ain't right

So I went to my local banker just to check on the status of my intellectual finance, and realized that the last dollar I had, was saved for a concept that was lost in it origins.
An ideal that was withheld from my people like a break in the never ending poverty circle,
A place that is highly advertised by the billboards of others but a place that has no directions to get there,
An institution that would take a plan of 404 days of ingenuity and suspicious behavior to break down, destroy, and convert to the ways of my people
I, along with the like minded, have crafted such a scheme that the infrastructure of the institution would fall and crumble like the walls of Rome.
We are unstoppable.
Change is inevitable
Defeat is not a variable.
Fuck the budget
I stole my freedom
I’m using my dollar to buy sunflower seeds, the dead youth.
So

I got six dollars
3 for my rent
2 for my food
1 for my seeds
Now that’s sounds just right.

Lonliness is a Bitch

My experience at Howard has brought nothing the most wonderful experience when it comes to an intellectual aspect of my life. Theres is more intellectually satisfying than being around the best and the brightest of the black community. Don't get me wrong this is the good life. Hell, its better than the life I lived when I thought that I was going to go crazy. But my grandma is still the only one calling me baby. there lies the problem. By no means do I need a female to feel complete. But there is definitely something missing from my non-intellectual part of my life. It seems the life decsions I've made, have set me apart from the rest of my peers. so the friends I do have outside this life descions are the ones I have class with or the people who are constantly around. Few of these people are people I could see myself getting serious with. The one I could see myself with is not seeing the same as I so thats out the window. But there is hope. A new moon and a new month so change is coming. I don't know but part three is in the making!

A Prospect

This is my favorite so far in the new era of writing.

If hip-hop is dead, the funeral is played every Monday thru Friday on BET from 6 to 7:30

Don't get me wrong, I love to dance,
But real real hip-hop lyrics will put you in a trance
Make you throw a fist, and become an activist
Throw ya D's away and say "fuck the pacifists."
what kind of rap is this
The new step it and fetch it shit.
Don't get me wrong, I like to show my money and shine my ride,
But the trials of the times, are focus on my mind
If you, sellin death to my people,
And still have the audacity to demand respect from people,
The you, are the nigga-esque of my people
The epicenter of non-respect for my people.
Thru this music, the works of predecessors is being undone.
Lets have intellectual battles like DuBois and Washington,
Beef about how we can increase our positive status
Rhyme a way to relieve this ignorant traffic
Have freestyle wars about turnin cheeks or by any means necessary
Spit 16 bars on how to extend pride outside of February.
Then we'll have an excuse to listen to more than just a beat,
Instead of hearin niggas talk, we'll learn to listen to brothers speak.
In the future, hip-hop will be the site of an evolution,
not to just music but my people's revolution.

The lame and the legend

You ever notice that after you get over someone another shows signs of being the next person to possibly be a part of. Well the next day after writing the previous note, i re-met some one that has grabbed my attention. I must say, the most aggravating thing about chasin a woman is other niggas. Trust me, in no way do I try to put down my brothers because society does that enough, but damn. You see for her, I'm willing to wait even if the results are non-existent. I think this girl will help turn a new page in my life. Get it? A new page n the book of life. She will have to choose between the lame and the legend. Its not her choice for me or others because that is not dependent upon. It s choice to choose between the superficial, lame, or the intellectual that loves foreheads,legend. All i can do is show her the legend and hope I don't get passed over. So as I reflect upon the memories that still haunt me from my past and try to see the very darkness in front of me, I realize that the ones who really know me, know the legend brewing inside of me. i REALLY don't mean to sound cocky, but its the truth. I will at least spark the thought that will change this world. As a matter of fact, someone recently asked me my purpose. My purpose is to somehow have a major part in changing this world. To continue...

The jena 6 has got me thinkin, a social revolution is comin. If you can remember the civil rights movement started with a certain court case was decided about equality in the school systems, then there was a death of a certain black boy in money,Mississippi,then there was revolt against the then norm that occurred in grensboro. Doesn't that sound familiar. I'll let you figure it out, but the change is comin and hope ya;ll ready because i'll be on the front line marchin and revolutionizin

Sinner's Prayer

I tell you, i like this facebook note thing because you get alot of feedback. I want all ya'll to know that I love ya'll with the passion of the moons ability to pacify the urgency of the ocean. and that is a lot. I will say this, ya'll have put perspective in my life. I know no that I must let some things and some people go who are a part of my life. But that is another blog.


This right here is probably the most spiritual thing I have ever wriiten and it still has cursin.

Sinners Prayer.
Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray my soul the lord to keep, And If i die before I wake, If I die before I wake

If I die before i wake, i take bended knee with my head to the sky
Given less than a damn if my roommate sees me cry
Eyes shut tight, so that it may seem that I'm blind
But god gave me this staff, and with it my people I will guide
And I could give a damn who told me Jesus was the way
Cause society is wrong, thats why I've been forced to pray
Although others may see you as just a religion
Based off a book filled with man-made provisions
But when everything is distorted, in which they thought it was clearer
And for a couple of dollars they friends sell you up the river.
When they kill the souls of innocent black people
When it gets so bad your motha won't even greet you
When the hate in ya eyes is seen by the old
And the heat in your soul has dropped to one below
When the tears in my refuse to run down my cheeks.
When you bitin on that gun so hard you chip ya teeth
Thats when I drooped to my knees with my eyes to the sky
While others try to distract, my eyes were wide on the prize
And I talked to the ceiling like i preached to this paper
But my preachin to this paper was my sole mean of prayer
So I'll never turn my back on, you Lord again.
Cause through those tribulations, I found you were my only friend.

Now I lay me down to sleep
and pray to the lord my soul he will keep
But if I die before the end of my rest
I pray to God my soul he'll accept.

FB Poetry Debut

First of all I would like to thank everyone who commented on my previous note dealing with the dual personalities of myself. It really helps to know people read my shit.
Second, don't steal my shit.

Heliocentric.

You are the beauty, in the essence of time
Only in my sky will your sun rays shine
finally found a reason for this Everest Climb
Only thing holdin us back, is death and time
Tired of these rhymes? That's fine, I'll get to the words
I'll get to the essence of my expression
I call them actions
I need a physical love, not sex
Virgin at love, so I ain't gone be the best
But the past, is the past
and I'm lookin at it through a glass
that reflects the rays that you shine
Too much time reflection and I'm blind
But if I never look back, I doomed to this facade of life
As of now, I'm not tryin to make you my wife
Right now, I wanna make you the opposite of my night
Now I'm tryin to get this heliocentric theory right
Do you circle me, or do I chase the sun?
But when all is said and done
When we've both had our fun
I can sit back relax and enjoy the rays of the one.

FB Debut

Well here it is, my debut blog on facebook. Before I begin, I must advertise the previous blog i had at myspace.com. Check it Out.


As I recollect on the days of my past and design the days of my future, I realize that life ain't what it used to be. I'm not talkin about the increase of age or even the inclining levels of maturity, I'm talkin about the revalations of oneself, myself. My mother always said that college brings out the best and worst of you and by doin that you see what you are, not who, but what. I am a confused individual. I preach revolution, but don't know where to start. I fight for equality, but treat others unjustly. I urgre for pride, but am a hipocrit in my own ways. In no way do i dis-like myself, but pressures of myself on myself have got me all the way fucked up. See alot of ya'll will not understand this but, I am in fact two different people. I am the person i am and the person I wish to be. To be more clear i will break this down in the metaphor of clark kent and superman. I f you can remember, clark clent was the weird mild manner reporter who had a thing for Lois Lane. His alter ego was supreman the person to change the world single handed. In a way the person I am is clark kent, the weird guy that has a crush on a certain chick, but the man I wanna be is superman. The guy who was destined to change this wicked world. The guy everyone can chill with but not because he flies but because he stimulates the mental, emotional, and psychological portions of the mind By this pressuring of myself to be better than myself, i find my self tripping on my own words and being short with those i care for. For that I apologize and regret the things i have said to the degree of upmost repression. With that I end the debut of my facebook blog. I realize no one will probab;y read this but its benificiary for me.

5:01 a.m. Love

5:01 love (a.m.) To tell her I love her now, would only bring tears and heartache. To tell her that my very soul strives the pressence of her absense would bring about confusion and sadness. To tell her I love her, would be another delayed emotion that was too supressed and feared by the mind that so call controls me. I should be over this girl, I should be movin on with my life, but still, I find myself playin flips with myself and talkin to stuffed sea birds. I loved her since the first time she cursed me out and chose another guy over me. I loved her despite all the rumors and nay-sayers who doubted our relationship from the begginning. I know by writing this, I will cause nothing but tears. I still urge for yours lips for they are the entrance to your soul. By writing this I am saying what has been bothering me for the last month. How do we go from being on the top of the world to being in the bouls of despair. You make feel as if anything is possible. From my publishing debut to the 17 dollars and 50 cents made at my grand gas party. i could honestly write of you for days. The love we shared goes so far past the expressions used in words they epitimize the use of nouns, they exagerate the use of prepositions, they exceed the expectations of an article. I have been trying to hold my emotions until I felt you were at a point where i could express them. I am not avoiding you. I have not been on this planet but for only 18 years and may not know of the love old-folks speak of, but I know that for this love I would go to the ends of the earth to meet you there, I would surrender my lifes goal to explore it, I would slap my mamma to testify it, but...I don't have to. You see real love is not found in silly situations. This love I'm speaking of come from the sacrifice of it. By you letting me go, you have found this real love and it hurts, but something tells me that this is not the end of us. Something speaks to my souls as I write that the end of this love is no where close to its ends. I love you and I don't know it took me sooooo long to say it but i do, or maybe its the the 5:00 (a.m.) speaking, but the truth comes from the lack of conscienceness so there is a lot of truth going on here. With that I conclude, This Is Love.

Old Blog Post18 (3-16-07)

As I strole down the halls of the James S. Rickards High School for the last time, I am in remorse, for I feel I have left a legacy that is not a full representation of what I am, and what I stand for. I fully realize that trying to introduce and and explain the other side of me is difficult, especially through a blog, but shall try. In case you didn't know, the Bryant you see at school, is vastly different from the Bryant writing this blog. To simplfy the bi-polarity of this situation we will compare myself to Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde. Before we discover the complexities of my mind, let us understand what Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde represent. Dr. J created the being of Mr. H because he could not adequetly express the emotion he felt. Mind you, Dr. J is strickly intelect while Mr. H is strickly emotion. Referring back to the bi-polarity of myself, the Bryant you see at school is Mr. H, simply and strictly emotions, the Bryant writing this blog, is Dr. J, simply and stricly intellectual, now the Bryant you see you see in the picture to the left is a strange mix and an even balance that causes the poetry I create. Unfortunatly, the Bryant you know and see act school is dumb, stupid, emotional, and as others would say, full of shit. The Bryant writing this blog is one rarley seen by anyone not close to me. And the Bryant that is a mix betwen the both is seen by everyone. To those who know all sides of me, thanks for bein a good friend, for those who judge me based on what they see at school, kiss my ass. I belive it was said in english one day, "to judge someone based soly on what you see, is living in fear and iggnorance." I happen to be a strong believer in that. In want to judge me and hate me, know me first, talk to me, understand me, then hate me. Untill then, kiss my black, ashy ass, cause when I'm on stage or writing or expressin or teachin or makin a difference or just affecting the status of my people in a positive light, I am Superman, I am great, but as soon as I stop, its back to bein Clark Kent. Untill next time, stay you and be prideful in your self. Remember Be Mo Brown

Old Blog Post17 (3-16-07)

Well, well, well. First and fore most I must remind all of my readers that it has been a solid year since i wrote the first of many declarations that I mad towards "c." I am happy to announce that I am completely over her. Or so i feel right now. I have now completely swithced shoes with her but with moderations. The one that I've fallen for is wrong due to soceity's restriction, the one that I want has completly confused me, the one that is socilaly acceptable is the one I can't have, and thee one who wants me, is the one i don't want.

So as I wander the halls of my mind and notice that each classroom is in actuality a symbol of my emotions, I realize a few things. One, society's rules suck. If want to be with someone, I should be with them no matter the factors that she or I can withstand. The second one is the factor of confusion. On one hand I kinda like playin the little psycological games with a girl to see where our heads are at. The first kiss was a dare I dreamnt about. If there is a second, I want it to be the essence of my expressions. So second is confusion which somehow means I hate I.B. Third to the one everyone sees me with except me, I am me, which seems very obvious but you are the anti-me or what I used to be. Although you have grown, there is still alot of growing you have to do. no disrespect. Fourth, I don't like you anymore and I don't want you in ANY WAY. I'm done. I now have to decide what to overcome first and how. So y'all tell me. How do I overcome confussion and/or socila rules that are unavoidable?

Old Blog Post16 (2-16-07)

As I was walking down the halls of James S. Rickards high school, after hearing the knowledge of a sophomore, i realized that alot of things in my past have ,in ways, made me bitter to the point that I put my heart break on other people. For that, i apologize to the peopl that I have done that to.(You know who you are)

As I walked down those halls i realized that all the things that I have tried to my people are not workin and its time to do somethin new. What?, I don't know but its comin soon.

Lastly, i've realized that the one I'm startin to fall for may still be on the sideline for someone else, but I will say this. If he has you on the sideline for someone else, you should start for me.

Until next time

Brown

Old Blog Post15 (11-28-06)

As my mind still struggles with the past and my eyes struggle with seeing the light of the future, I've realized that the trivial things we so called "struggle" with are not that serious. I think as we mature we begin to actually understand the concept of priority. I don't know if alot of my readers know this, but I have recently been informed that i have a tumor in my leg. If its cancerous or not I don't know, but I do realize that someday I will die. And before I do that, I must insure that I have lived my life to best of my ability. Recently, I've been putting myself in these temporary loves just so I can feel some type of affection and that someone can have some type of affecton for me. I am not doin that anymore. Like anyother teenager, my emotions constantly change. One second I like someone, the next second I like someone else. Hell, while writing these my affection for some one changed. But I guess my point is, through whatever your going through, you don't have to feel like you need someone to love you, cause 10 time out of 9 someone already does. My brothers, family, friends, and even teachers show their love for me just by puttin up with me everyday. And I love them all. So don't end up with the passion of a 1000 hookers, for they have no passion. They are empty and only loved temporarily. Have the joy of a school teacher or a child on their way to their first day of school(ever), or the joy of parent when their child graduates pre-school or the joy of finnaly puttin on that IB Done shirt. However you need to express yourself, do it. And in the words of Dan Kiser, tell the ones you care abot you love them, and say yes to seatbelts.

Old Blog Post14 (8-26-06)

As time moves foward and the past is continously harder to rember, I have realized that the "Love Life of Brown" has reached a new phase or a new chapter. Before I get too far into that, I must apologize. In the summer, before school started, I declared that I would not become attracted to any girl, esspecially any Freshman or Sophmore. I also said that I would not become attracted to any light-skinneded women. Sadly to say, I have violated both. I have met a girl who is not that sexy choclate, but like a sexy caramel (not to be to obvious). She is a Sophmore. At first I thought she was too young but I no longer think that. Now the problem and question is: AM I READY. She too seems very close to her good male friends. We all know how that turned out in the past. I don't want to spoil somethin before it starts. So like every blog I leave with a question: How do you know if your over a prior heartbreak???

Old Blog Post13 (2-19-06)

As my mind searches for answers that are already known, I realize that although some pains are no longer existent, that does not take away from the pain it causes. Pains that you swore not to feel, still urk and haunt the very esscence of the love you are tryin to find. How does one as myself get over the heartbreak of someone you no longer feel for. How is it that one day your ready to sacrifice the whole world just for the presence of one person and the next day your just...shit. I got love for anyone I've ever been involved with, but this mutha-fucka here make me wanna hate her. In noway is this a judgment or an attempt to reuin the love that was meant to be. You see, Mamma always told me that I should not be second to anyone, and by accepting to be second I lost a piece of me. I'm not gone lie, after the "relationship" was over I was not Brown, or Bryant, I was some nigga I don't even know. For a while I tried to be somethin I'm not. I tried being the very thing that I oppose. I spit game that was not even mine, my style changed, my walked changed, my message changed, my speech changed, and I even rejected the words that have comforted though the years of my life, poetry. But I guess when God is tryin to tell you somethin, he will make you listen. So in esscence, this girl, this termoil, this ache, is no more than a hinderence to what and who I really am. I am Brown. In the begininig, God made man from earth. Thus making the essence of man earth. If earth is man and man is earth and earth is brown as brown is earth, then the essecnce of man is Brown. From this point on the termoil of the past shall no longer haunt me. The fear of the future shall no longer hinder me. The aches of the present shall no longer subdue me. Forget not that I am human, for I also weep when sad, dream when sleep, and make mistakes. From this point on the letter "C" will no longer burn my heart like acid reflux. My back seat will no longer eat my conscience like the soul of a forgotten man. Let love restore my heart, for it is THE MARVELOUS RETURN OF BROWN.

Old Blog Post12 (5-8-06)

Insecure

Let me ask you a question;

Ever felt inadequete and less than

Don't need a sheet to be a klansman

Hate can't hide

And love is always on ya side

No excuses

Just misuses

Yes, I've been slapped, I've been punched

And like every other nigga, I think my father is a punk.

Most insecurities

lead to big jewelries

And grills

cause they feel

with themselves they can't be real

Truth is

Everyone in this world is ruthless.

Pastors talk about preachers

Preachers talk about teachers

and even heathens talk about heathens.

If moneys what we make,

lives is what we take.

And souls is what we break

Then the worlds changed through hate

I wanna be great

I wanna know my fate

I wanna clean slate

but people judge me by my mistakes

Is it o.k.

to say

I wanna fall in love

and be placed above.

For her my love is exponetional

Feelings now have much potential

Beauty is a curse

and it hurts

Pain so bad, we cut to make it worse.

Are you scared to be ugly in a hearse.

Next line,

Everybody wants to shine.

Her weave ain't like mine

His forces ain't white as mine.

If everbody wants to be different, we all the same

Live who you are, and life won't be a shame.

Old Blog Post11 (5-7-06)

As iggonorance is erased from the minds of intellectuals and in place arrogance is added, I have realized emotions make you crazy. Over the last few days, my love for a certain gangsta has risen. With these new feelings, old feelings leave. I am no longer infatuated with her. I'm just...I don't know...I still like her but...something has changed. We fight more often and i just don't get that vibe I used to. It just frustrates me to know that I will never be more than number two. My readers: how do you run race when you destined to lose? It seems this question has strip me of my emotions. Don't get me wrong for her I'd face the wrath of the roman army and carry the sorrows of lost souls in hell. These fights must stop, eventhough I start all of them. Hell I might be startin one now. I communicate like this because words are my best friends. As a poet and a pre-revolutionary, believe it or not, I have a hard time expressin my emotions. This is not easy for me. My readers: How is it you dis-like someone thats a good person. Hmm...I'm done.

Old Blog Post10 (5-3-06)

Once again, it's blog time.

Just another opportunity for me to shine.

My tounge tries to taste the air of succes,

Get pats on my back and still i feel oppresed.

Except this is not from white

Or not as bright

but it gleams just like a light

and I might

be tempted to snap

But I hold my ground and watch my tracks

your addicting like crack

But the love I'm givin you, I'm not gettin it back

Am I Mad? Hell Yea.

No feelins for noone else, cause you think I'm a playa.

26 days

26 days

26 days and the pain goes away.

Answer me a question.

ever felt inadequate or less than.

I have, was on the phone with that nigga Lesta.

Two weeks at a time is stressin my mind.

What ever happened to one at a time.

Judge me,

hurt me,

kiss me,

3 months you won't even remeber me.

Please

ease

my soul

I want back control.

Me and you supposed to be to the end.

How can I compete with the love of ya best friend

As my eyes finally see the obvious, I'm pissed. In no way is this my proclamation of ending what we have, but we need to talk. 26 more days of me and you thats it. You tell me, how you would feel if you were in my shoes. Don't mean to be selfish but this is my time. This is all I have.

Damn

Old Blog Post9 (4-23-06)

As I look past the obviuos, and seek the truth, I realize that life is what we make it. I hear it all the time, but never grasped the concept of it. During a time when THIS world is falling apart, I have aquired a new happiness. I have reached the apex of abstinence and I don't want to reach new heights. In five weeks my life will crumble as a class of peoples lives are formed and yet at this time I feel so happy. Today, my mother said she has no apprciation for hip-hop, when throughout my whole life she has said "You must have an appreciation for all things inorder to learn your surroundings." Then a few hours later after returning home from an art festival she stated "It upsets me when our people can't show apprciation for other black people's work." How can another generation that has been through mo shit then we, judge us by music they have heard but never grasped the concept of it. That my friends, generally pisses me off. But Why let it effect me, when I'm going to change it.

Old Blog Post8 (4-15-06)

You been doin this for weeks, I've been doin this for years.

Known for some weeks and you think you know my fears.

Nigga Please

From conception I was meant to be The "B".

Can't you see

To many niggas have failed tryin to be "B"

I'm Brown, I don't think you can comprehend the method

Towards you was not the point of the that simple message.

You want beef, then you can have it.

Matter of fact I'll point you to a cow with a knife so you can stab it.

Poet is not my title, its my life.

You can't imagine my stress and my strife.

I don't need rhymes to tell the truth

Say what I got to say, and add add what you missin, which is truth.

Question: My people, what have you done to try to help.

You can't call me ignorant if you don't know the problem yourself.

I've read your subliminals, and had enough

Probably type of nigga to run when fights get tough.

I can't throw fist

But I can throw a fist.

Stole what you had, and now ya ass is pissed.

Are YOU revolutionary?

I Am.

Gotta do more than say it,

Speak ya mind like a man.

(this is not back to you Jon, this is towards everyone)

Old Blog Post7 (4-15-06)

As my eyes look past the obvious and my soul searches for the extraordinary, I realize that maybe I'm not in love but I love somebody. I would die just to tell her how I feel but, I know I will never be more than I am now. You ever met someone and you like them so bad that you play little stupid games with each other like hide from each other. Little does she know but I would go the ends of the earth and the tips of the moon for her, ya dig. And that for her I would die to insure her life but the funny thing is, I've only known her for a couple weeks and she's leavin in a few weeks. So what is it that I should DO? Hm...

Old Blog Post6 (4-7-06)

As my eyes look past the obvious and my soul searches for the extraordinary, I realize that maybe I'm not in love, but I love somebody. I would die just to tell her how I feel but, I know I will never be more than I am now. You ever met someone and you like them so bad that you play stupid, little games with each other, like hide from each other. Little does she know, but I would go the ends of the earth and the tips of the moon for her, ya dig. And that for her I would die to insure her life but the funny thing is, I've only known her for a couple weeks and she's leaving in a few weeks. So what is it that I should DO? Hm...

Old Blog Post5 (4-4-06)

I'm in Love.

and that is all. No explanations or big words or even poetic phrases but,

I'm in Love.

Old Blog Post4 (4-2-06)

As I walk through life on unchanging sand and thirst for the knowledge that changes worlds, I analyze and rebuke a very popular phrase "you never know what you got till it's gone." That's not really true because what if you want something you can't have. I know what I got, I just can't have it. And of course I'm talking about a girl. I know girls will come, but i won't this one, dammit. So I guess my point and question is how do you get over rejection without being rejected? hmm....

Old Blog Post3 (4-2-06)

As My arms reach for the intangible and my eyes look for the invisible, I realize that friends are one of the best things on this earth next to family and love. Friends won't judge you like society. The other night my friends got caught stealing free T-shirts. The lady who caught them was a symbol of society and she was white. When she caught them I saw her thoughts. She thought "These Colored folks think they can do anything they want." As a friend I thought nothing of it, and that is an amazing feeling.

Old Blog Post2 (3-20-06)

As My mind searches for knowledge and my body searches for companionship, I wonder what is heart. Not Heart like the weakest guy from Captain Planet, I mean Heart like love. I know God is love, but God is not on this earth and living this trial we call life. A lot of times I read surveys on people's pages and see where they say they regret nothing, but is that true. For example, if I had never been a poet, then I would not be being published thus not giving myself hope, ya dig. My point, in the search for love in this generation mistakes are not affordable. Another example, If I had not told a female member of my school that she could not be in our band for the fact that she was a girl, then maybe i wouldn't be conceived as conceited and arrogant. But I don't regret the situation because the group itself is a call to black brothers for unification. So does my honesty and my lack of heart make me sexist, or I am I a heartless honest bastard or am I some guy that no one knows and is just trying to change the world through four average brothers playing music.
I know who I am, but the problem is no one else knows who I am. You ever felt like the new guy in a crowd of old friends, sometimes I wish heart was as easy as pointing a ring, but it's not so there it is.

First Blog Ever (3-15-06)

You ever felt alone in a crowd of people and talk to yourself just to see if you are still standing in the spot you're in, or you got a crush on somebody you don't know nothing about, or even hated somebody just for the way they look. I have. The times are changing. I may sound a little weird, but today I fell in love with a girl who I don't even know. I was rejected by a girl almost three months ago so she could be with the man of her life, and today even when I see them apart the pain of rejection burns like a new fire. What is happiness? Am I supposed to suffice with the condition I'm in. I'm not suicidal or nothing like that. It's just that pain and sadness have been apart of my life since i came to Florida. I'm lonely with everybody to talk to. What is the problem? Hmmm.....