Reflection of My Preperation

I am a member of the Howard University “Showtime” Marching Band. Since the initial thought of Barack Obama winning the Democratic nomination for the presidency of the United States, I was a member of the Howard University “Showtime” Marching Band. I watched the first and third debate between Barack Obama and John McCain on the second airing due to being a member of the Howard University “Showtime” Marching Band. When Barack Obama told the world “Yes We Can,” and promised hope for re-building America, I played my saxophone a little better and a little louder so that I may give hope to my fellow band members to build a better band. When Obama supported the $700 billion bailout with a look of discontent, I lifted my legs a little higher and practiced a little bit harder so that I would never need a bailout. When he won and others celebrated, I served the band that I love so much because I realized that there was still much work to be done. Even during the inauguration, I gave my full attention to the Howard University “Showtime” Marching Band. But something changed during the inaugural parade. As I marched past him in seemingly perfect marching condition, I saw through that glass a reflection of my preparation. And it was at that moment that I realized that Barack Obama, full of hope, inspiration, and seemingly perfect preparation, was and is my black president. If he had prepared like I prepared for those brief moments during the parade then I have no hesitation that Obama will lead this country to greatness.

I claim To be A Man

I regret nothing. My mother's teachings taught me to learn from all things that happen in life. The lessons learned in every fathom of life are priceless and beyond measure. If the lesson learned is a result of a negative situation, I create better from it. On the other hand, if the lesson is learned from a positive situation, I dare not celebrate in excess. Therefore, I have no regrets. Somewhere between chasing my dreams and writing my history, I bumped into my reflection. While the physical had changed for the better, the mentality that rests behind my eyes has changed as well. While I would like to tell you that I have figured myself out and have come one step closer to enlightenment and fulfilling my self prophecy, I would only be lying to you and to myself. The temporary satisfaction of this lie would easily ease the pain of discontent that I feel. I do not want that. I have lied to myself long enough. I do regret it and sadly, I have become everything in man that I despise. I lie. I deceive. I mislead. I manipulate. To say I am not myself is a childish, idiotic, and pointless statement. Instead, I must get back to the man I used to be. While I can't see you directly through this screen, the next time you see my eyes, you will see my regret in hurting you. Even as I look at my own reflection, I will not see the same eyes that I have seen for the last months. With that said, I must go away for a while and seek out the inspiration that helped me become who I was.

"I woke up in the morning
I took a trip to the corner store
That's when I heard my calling
But I'd never heard the voice of truth before
So I kept on walking
Pretending I didn't see
Walked by a window and my reflection said to me
You could try all the same
But you'll never know this mystery
There's no pilot on your plane
So you're not the man you used to be
Try all the game, but you'll never know this mystery
When your pilot has no plane
Said you're the man you used to be seen"
-K-os

Have You Seen Her

In your absence I build courage so that in you presence I get weaker.
And I'm diggin every metaphorical piece of beauty from your curls to the stain on your converse sneakers.
Others grow pride in ya stride while I stand by from the side aiming to grow meeker,
I wanna do the same as you while remaining complicated, like conversions of gallons to liters.
And every man, women, and child witness my profession of homage cause I was glad to meet ya.
While others disrespect when words spoken resemble, "I'll get at her when I see her."
But have you seen her,
My girl radiates respect into the hearts of the most prudent,
And if had to be materialized, she would be the last cup of noodles to a dorm-living college student;
Priceless!
You're above the cliche Goddess status, so fuck calling you Isis.
You're vital to me like light is to photosynthesis.
And of all women in the world, I am honored to call you a hoe.
And I would surrender every red cent in my potential possession to see how far you will go.
You have always been free to dream and free to be sought,
So yes, I'm in constant need of my free thought.

Mr. Morton

"I'm tired payin taxes, sendin emails and faxes, tired of crooked cops, tired of black folks complain that crime wont stop. I wanna go to a place where lovers go, do the things that lovers do, no stress, a sweet caress from me to u."

It's been a long time since I actually attempted to pursue a young lady that was worth my time and actually reached my standards. The time has come where I have met such a woman. Now, I'm baffled at how to handle this situation. I going to be blunt, I have failed many times in these types of situations, many times.
Needless to say I'm trying really hard not to fuck this one up. The problem is I keep second guessing myself. I don't wanna creep her out by talking too much and at the same token I don't want to not talk and make her think I'm not interested, cause I am. It's been a long time since I've had to do this. Maybe, I should just be myself. Problem is myself is the same person that was fucking up in the past. I know she should like me for me but it's all about presentation. Sometimes I wish I was Mr. Morton:


But then again, I'm a man. I already know the pains of rejection. I mean how much worse could it really get. I have learned, while under these stars, that life is nothing if you have no one to share it with. I'm far from desperate or in need of a woman to complete me. But sometimes, I wish I had someone waiting for me when I got back to my dorm or someone I could chill with in a romantic setting. Friends can only do so much. I am nowhere near lonely ,but a female companion would be real nice. That is all I ask for.

Emergency

I saw my first black firefighter the other day. As I was walking down that oh-so familiar street of rebellion, past the corner of thought and frustration, towards home, I heard the sound. Upon hearing this sound, I knew that an emergency was amidst. That somewhere, unknown to my presence, someone was in distress, discontent, and disorientation ;and needed to be saved from either themselves or from an aspect of their environment. The sound approached from the back but I had no interest in looking back because I knew what approached. First I recognized the front of the vehicle and knew that it was a red engine firetruck. For a moment time stood still and my mind reverted to a memory of my childhood.
When I was in kindergarten, I was sick the day the class went to the fire station. Therefore, I had not seen a red engine fire truck when the rest of the class did. Needless to say, the rest of the class did see a red engine firetruck. The day I returned to school, I distinctly remember playing on the third rung of the jungle gym. The same sound that was entering my ears in my conscience mind was playing, the fire truck engine siren. I looked in amazement in hope to see the red engine fire truck that I had not seen before. As soon as the red of the truck could be processed in my 5 year old mind, the little boy next to me said, "Oh that's no big deal, we saw those yesterday." And all the other kids continued back to their games of tag and other childish follies. From that point on, red engine fire trucks never amazed me.
So in non-amazement I watched the front of the red engine fire truck pass by, but as the red engine fire truck passed, something caught my eye. And until that moment I never realized that I had not seen one. Hanging from the back of the truck was a black fireman. To others he just looked like another black man, but to me he was a superhero. To me he was the real life John Henry. A black man that was often overlooked because of his skin complexion, but would do his damnedest until his heart gave out. And I stood on the sidewalk like a 5 year old kid in awe of my childhood hero that I met 14 years late. I say all that to say, do not let society make you forget that black heroes are more than people on T.V. that where suits and give speeches. My heroes are those with wisdom, not knowledge.

Going to House

A lifetime without words is a pointless and useless life without expression and happiness. It's been a while since the last time I have written anything outside of school. I have a lot of things to talk about.

As I was walking to my temporary home I was thinking, exactly what is home? Some say home is where the heart is, but is the heart established in a particular territory. After talking amongst a few of my peers, they say that home is not necessarily a particular space, but can be identified as the place where you can say you learned the most. In my case that would be Greenwood, Mississippi. In actuality, Mississippi is a place where I spent the least amount of time during my 19 years under the stars. So how does time effect where your heart is and therefore where your home is? Home, to me, can not be defined by territory. I hear people around me say they're going home to Baltimore or some far off state. When I say I go home, I go to the place that settles my soul. Home is simply in words. A lot of people may not understand that concept and I do not expect a lot of people to understand how articles, adverbs, adjectives, and conjunctions could ease one's soul. Well let's see. In life there are few constants. Even the constants that we think are constants are actually not. Words are a combination of an ever changing constant. Rarely do definitions change but often writing changes. In other words, writing will never leave me and as long as my mind still fathoms the concept of variation, repetition, and pronunciation, words will forever be my home.

An Update

Just lettin all my readers know that at this time, I am out of commision until I get my internet hooked up in my new dorm.