Ice Cream Daze

I live in a world where thuds from a passing car’s subwoofers play the bass and sirens from rushing emergency vehicles play the treble in the soundtrack of my life. A world where beauty is most often found in death and despair’s residence: a funeral, but conversely, a world where deceit and depression are conceived where fake smiles and forced tears live: a wedding. A world that is filled with individuals who live and die by their own various ethics and morals but the easiest combination of variation is negligence. And since by human nature we all want things to be easier to some degree, one could say the world doesn’t give 5¢ worth of shit about anyone else. I know you’re saying, “Damn this guy is depressing!” but secretly, you agree. As a child of maybe up to 12 years old, I could never remember thinking these thoughts. So what happened?

The same world existed when I was child if I think retrospectively, but to my youthful senses, there was one sound that cut through the noise of despair and depression, one sight that could blur out the sight of emergency and broken hearts, and one taste that would numb out the flavor of uneasy laughs matted by tears. That sound, sight, and taste was Mr. Johnson’s ice cream truck in the summertime. When the sound of those trucks bells and squeaky tires registered with the signals in my brain, my impulse was always to get up, run, and chase that truck. I’m guessing that as a child I never realized the world for what is was because I was too busy chasing after what I wanted.

When those hot summer days ended and warm school days began, I had the education of my logical brain to keep my senses distracted from the truth of the world. But somewhere through this education, my ears finally heard, eyes finally saw, and tongue finally tasted what was really going on. My mother calls this my welcoming ceremony to the real world. Again thinking retrospectively, I always thought the real world was completely comprised of people who woke up early, put on business attire, got stuck in traffic, complained about traffic, work in a boring office, had meetings, got stuck in traffic coming home, complained about traffic, complained about unhappiness, washed, rinsed, and repeated. In that aspect, I still think like the 8 year old me. I don’t want to be in that real world. I wanna chase after that ice cream truck all day. To you real world people, this probably sounds ridiculous but if we all chased after what we really wanted, maybe the world would sound, look, and taste better. With that being said, chase after your own truck in hope that you catch it and embrace it.

Reflection of My Preperation

I am a member of the Howard University “Showtime” Marching Band. Since the initial thought of Barack Obama winning the Democratic nomination for the presidency of the United States, I was a member of the Howard University “Showtime” Marching Band. I watched the first and third debate between Barack Obama and John McCain on the second airing due to being a member of the Howard University “Showtime” Marching Band. When Barack Obama told the world “Yes We Can,” and promised hope for re-building America, I played my saxophone a little better and a little louder so that I may give hope to my fellow band members to build a better band. When Obama supported the $700 billion bailout with a look of discontent, I lifted my legs a little higher and practiced a little bit harder so that I would never need a bailout. When he won and others celebrated, I served the band that I love so much because I realized that there was still much work to be done. Even during the inauguration, I gave my full attention to the Howard University “Showtime” Marching Band. But something changed during the inaugural parade. As I marched past him in seemingly perfect marching condition, I saw through that glass a reflection of my preparation. And it was at that moment that I realized that Barack Obama, full of hope, inspiration, and seemingly perfect preparation, was and is my black president. If he had prepared like I prepared for those brief moments during the parade then I have no hesitation that Obama will lead this country to greatness.

I claim To be A Man

I regret nothing. My mother's teachings taught me to learn from all things that happen in life. The lessons learned in every fathom of life are priceless and beyond measure. If the lesson learned is a result of a negative situation, I create better from it. On the other hand, if the lesson is learned from a positive situation, I dare not celebrate in excess. Therefore, I have no regrets. Somewhere between chasing my dreams and writing my history, I bumped into my reflection. While the physical had changed for the better, the mentality that rests behind my eyes has changed as well. While I would like to tell you that I have figured myself out and have come one step closer to enlightenment and fulfilling my self prophecy, I would only be lying to you and to myself. The temporary satisfaction of this lie would easily ease the pain of discontent that I feel. I do not want that. I have lied to myself long enough. I do regret it and sadly, I have become everything in man that I despise. I lie. I deceive. I mislead. I manipulate. To say I am not myself is a childish, idiotic, and pointless statement. Instead, I must get back to the man I used to be. While I can't see you directly through this screen, the next time you see my eyes, you will see my regret in hurting you. Even as I look at my own reflection, I will not see the same eyes that I have seen for the last months. With that said, I must go away for a while and seek out the inspiration that helped me become who I was.

"I woke up in the morning
I took a trip to the corner store
That's when I heard my calling
But I'd never heard the voice of truth before
So I kept on walking
Pretending I didn't see
Walked by a window and my reflection said to me
You could try all the same
But you'll never know this mystery
There's no pilot on your plane
So you're not the man you used to be
Try all the game, but you'll never know this mystery
When your pilot has no plane
Said you're the man you used to be seen"
-K-os