Ice Cream Daze

I live in a world where thuds from a passing car’s subwoofers play the bass and sirens from rushing emergency vehicles play the treble in the soundtrack of my life. A world where beauty is most often found in death and despair’s residence: a funeral, but conversely, a world where deceit and depression are conceived where fake smiles and forced tears live: a wedding. A world that is filled with individuals who live and die by their own various ethics and morals but the easiest combination of variation is negligence. And since by human nature we all want things to be easier to some degree, one could say the world doesn’t give 5¢ worth of shit about anyone else. I know you’re saying, “Damn this guy is depressing!” but secretly, you agree. As a child of maybe up to 12 years old, I could never remember thinking these thoughts. So what happened?

The same world existed when I was child if I think retrospectively, but to my youthful senses, there was one sound that cut through the noise of despair and depression, one sight that could blur out the sight of emergency and broken hearts, and one taste that would numb out the flavor of uneasy laughs matted by tears. That sound, sight, and taste was Mr. Johnson’s ice cream truck in the summertime. When the sound of those trucks bells and squeaky tires registered with the signals in my brain, my impulse was always to get up, run, and chase that truck. I’m guessing that as a child I never realized the world for what is was because I was too busy chasing after what I wanted.

When those hot summer days ended and warm school days began, I had the education of my logical brain to keep my senses distracted from the truth of the world. But somewhere through this education, my ears finally heard, eyes finally saw, and tongue finally tasted what was really going on. My mother calls this my welcoming ceremony to the real world. Again thinking retrospectively, I always thought the real world was completely comprised of people who woke up early, put on business attire, got stuck in traffic, complained about traffic, work in a boring office, had meetings, got stuck in traffic coming home, complained about traffic, complained about unhappiness, washed, rinsed, and repeated. In that aspect, I still think like the 8 year old me. I don’t want to be in that real world. I wanna chase after that ice cream truck all day. To you real world people, this probably sounds ridiculous but if we all chased after what we really wanted, maybe the world would sound, look, and taste better. With that being said, chase after your own truck in hope that you catch it and embrace it.

Have You Seen Her

In your absence I build courage so that in you presence I get weaker.
And I'm diggin every metaphorical piece of beauty from your curls to the stain on your converse sneakers.
Others grow pride in ya stride while I stand by from the side aiming to grow meeker,
I wanna do the same as you while remaining complicated, like conversions of gallons to liters.
And every man, women, and child witness my profession of homage cause I was glad to meet ya.
While others disrespect when words spoken resemble, "I'll get at her when I see her."
But have you seen her,
My girl radiates respect into the hearts of the most prudent,
And if had to be materialized, she would be the last cup of noodles to a dorm-living college student;
Priceless!
You're above the cliche Goddess status, so fuck calling you Isis.
You're vital to me like light is to photosynthesis.
And of all women in the world, I am honored to call you a hoe.
And I would surrender every red cent in my potential possession to see how far you will go.
You have always been free to dream and free to be sought,
So yes, I'm in constant need of my free thought.

19th

Nineteen years under these stars. While the stars haven’t really changed, I have. It's funny how four years ago I would not have imagined my life being like this. NIneteen years on this earth doesn’t seem long to old people, but 19 years is a lifetime to me. Nineteen years under this unseen force of gravity. While it keeps me grounded, sometimes I want it to ease up and let me fly. Here I am on the 19th year of my life and I ask myself, what has changed? I have realized that life is much more than a heavily dictated metaphor that makes someone smile and say, “You know Bryant is kind of smart.” Some may say that at this point in their life they wish to be rich or have things easy, but if there is one thing that I have figured out in these 19 years is that without struggle, there is no identity. Bryant, are you saying struggle is necessary? Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying. People that do not struggle tend to be fucked up. I do not look for struggle and I do not avoid struggle. In these 19 years I have made my mistakes and have reached some of my goals. I have also surprised myself. They say that most people find themselves in college. I have yet to find myself completely but I have become closer to the source that will bring me closer to finding my identity. I have always compared my life to a dark room in which I’m trying to get out of. Before, I was wandering with my eyes closed and trying to feel my way to the door. Now I have opened my eyes and realized that this room is really a big mansion and now I have a flashlight. My future is no longer in question due to its journey. I always knew that I wanted to change the negatives of my people and make this world a better place by doing so. Honestly I could give less than two damns about politics because the revolution will not come in the form of reform or passed bills or constitutional amendments. This radical change in society will come in the form of people changing people. If I could, my major would be role model, but now that need for helping people has evolved. While some try to convince me my decisions are going to be too hard for me to bear, but as I have stated before I do not avoid struggle nor do I long for it. As a child I often watched the preachers of my life speak and make the uncommon seem familiar. I often questioned how they could do such a powerful thing? How can one man speak for 45 minutes once a week and have this great influence? In these 19 years of my life I have found out that it’s not the method, it’s the message. Nineteen years under these stars and I have questioned, rebelled, rejected, and avoided the most influential factor in my life, God. I have spent many of hours asking for forgiveness for my stupidity and I think God has placed a task in front of me. He asked me to spread his word, but not just from a Christian point of view, but from the pulpit. Now I see that all the aspects of my life in these 19 years under the stars all add up. The struggle, the need to help people, the message, and most importantly God, and it all makes sense. Nineteen years under these stars and while the stars have not changed, the stars have changed me. Regardless of what my parent may try to comprehend, I will pursue this dream. The eyes of the ordinary may not understand this, honestly, I do not fully understand it all yet. But through prayer and meditation the clarity will come. It took me 19 years walking this mundane earth to realize how important some things are and how unimportant other things are. Nineteen years under these stars.