I Dream of Detroit

I dream of words unwritten;
      In a language where periods need not be dotted
      Where “t’s” need not be crossed-
I dream of dialects unspoken;
      In a voice enunciation need not to be stressed,
      Where infliction is definitions-
Sight through subconscious is unfathomed to the minds eye
Leaving dreams to be safe from
For what can one feel in the absence of a body?
The lack there of? Or the presence of obscurity?
I dream of music unplayed;
      In a sound only heard through script,
Where distance articulates quality-
I dream of things unseen and not to have happened;
      Retention is a curse, and the forgotten is blessed-
But as I rise from once was;
      I’ve lost it all-
I dream of words unsaid;
      Cursed by memory.
      Decided through ignorance.

MIA

I am from which I was created. Do not judge me on my exterior for it is made with flaws. Instead, judge the actions I accent with the words I write. But the words I write do not reflect the action I do. Just as any other human being, I make mistakes everyday. As I said before, what good is a man who contradicts his own efforts.

At that point, I was talking on the vitality of effective leadership. A more personal issue ha arisen. I fear I have lost my best friend because she is exactly what I am becoming; heartless. It is obvious that my emotions are gradually slipping out of my grasp. My walk is more stiff. My speech is lees motivating. My writings are less powerful.

I stated in an earlier blog that I am trying to get back to the man I used to be, but as a wise woman told me, "Make sure that man you are attempting to be is worth getting back to." But he is not worth it. Honestly, I have caused too many tears and see many more awaiting me as I travel down this path. The question is "Do I cause tears for others or carry on to my own emotional demise?"

I am from which I was created. My father's father's father was known as a man of great motivation. As they say in my father's hometown, these motivational tactics have only grown through the generations of Browns. As you know, I am BeMoBrown meaning exactly what it says. I follow a lineage of greatness and I am in constant strive for the highest. But in this 20th year of my life, I fear that I am becoming exactly what I demise the most. Heartless.

Defying Gravity/20 years

A wise man once told me that when we’re young we think we’re immortal but it is when we get old, we realize or mortality and become afraid. Well here it is, the day I celebrate 20 years of defying the laws of gravity and I am far from afraid. I am anxious. I have never feared death because my religious socialization has taught me that this physical body is only the beginning of something great. I am anxious because I am ready to answer my calling. My religion teaches me that God has given each of us a purpose, a calling, a dream to chase, and a dream to actualize. I do not know every religion, and I’m not here to sell you mine, but to a certain extent, everyone believes that they are on this earth for a certain reason.

As I sat in church today, I watched the preachers preach, I saw the shouters shout, I ignored the nay-sayers nay-say, and I dwelled upon my purpose. I am Moses. In my religion, God is a God of the disenchanted, the disenfranchised, the minority, and the unspoken for. In Exodus, these people are the Hebrews. In my home of America, these people consist of black people. Moses was not born of the Hebrew slaves for God wanted him to see the freedom the Hebrews, Moses’ people, could enjoy. I was not born onto the slaves for the same reason. Moses had faith that God’s word would lead him to free his people. I hope that God’s word will shine through these words to free my people. Moses realized his purpose, answered his calling, chased his dream, and actualized that dream. In case you didn’t know, this is the realization of my purpose, my preverbal phone rings and this is the answer to my calling, I ignore gravity so that I am in constant pursuit of my dreams. Moses freed his people through the word of God. The Apostles and Prophets that followed him lead his people to God. I will free my people, not from physical slavery in which we have abolished, but from the bars of this jail that are made by the slave inferiority complex complicated by the prison-industrial complex that disproportionally effects my people, the disenchanted, the disenfranchised, the minority, and the unspoken for and inspire those who follow me to lead my people to greatness.

This anxiousness comes to now avail because as in death, with age comes the exponential growth of passion. And as long as there is an atom of oxygen running through my pumping heart, I will not stop, I will not turn my back, I will not fear old Pharaoh, I will denounce the injustices of the enchanted, the franchised, the majority, and the self spoken for. With God on my side, WHOM shall I fear? So, I encourage you to realize your purpose, answer your calling, chase your dreams, and actualize those dreams regardless of differing religion, race, cultural background, social façade, age, socialization status, political party, or opinion. With 20 years behind me, who will join this defiance of gravity?

19th

Nineteen years under these stars. While the stars haven’t really changed, I have. It's funny how four years ago I would not have imagined my life being like this. NIneteen years on this earth doesn’t seem long to old people, but 19 years is a lifetime to me. Nineteen years under this unseen force of gravity. While it keeps me grounded, sometimes I want it to ease up and let me fly. Here I am on the 19th year of my life and I ask myself, what has changed? I have realized that life is much more than a heavily dictated metaphor that makes someone smile and say, “You know Bryant is kind of smart.” Some may say that at this point in their life they wish to be rich or have things easy, but if there is one thing that I have figured out in these 19 years is that without struggle, there is no identity. Bryant, are you saying struggle is necessary? Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying. People that do not struggle tend to be fucked up. I do not look for struggle and I do not avoid struggle. In these 19 years I have made my mistakes and have reached some of my goals. I have also surprised myself. They say that most people find themselves in college. I have yet to find myself completely but I have become closer to the source that will bring me closer to finding my identity. I have always compared my life to a dark room in which I’m trying to get out of. Before, I was wandering with my eyes closed and trying to feel my way to the door. Now I have opened my eyes and realized that this room is really a big mansion and now I have a flashlight. My future is no longer in question due to its journey. I always knew that I wanted to change the negatives of my people and make this world a better place by doing so. Honestly I could give less than two damns about politics because the revolution will not come in the form of reform or passed bills or constitutional amendments. This radical change in society will come in the form of people changing people. If I could, my major would be role model, but now that need for helping people has evolved. While some try to convince me my decisions are going to be too hard for me to bear, but as I have stated before I do not avoid struggle nor do I long for it. As a child I often watched the preachers of my life speak and make the uncommon seem familiar. I often questioned how they could do such a powerful thing? How can one man speak for 45 minutes once a week and have this great influence? In these 19 years of my life I have found out that it’s not the method, it’s the message. Nineteen years under these stars and I have questioned, rebelled, rejected, and avoided the most influential factor in my life, God. I have spent many of hours asking for forgiveness for my stupidity and I think God has placed a task in front of me. He asked me to spread his word, but not just from a Christian point of view, but from the pulpit. Now I see that all the aspects of my life in these 19 years under the stars all add up. The struggle, the need to help people, the message, and most importantly God, and it all makes sense. Nineteen years under these stars and while the stars have not changed, the stars have changed me. Regardless of what my parent may try to comprehend, I will pursue this dream. The eyes of the ordinary may not understand this, honestly, I do not fully understand it all yet. But through prayer and meditation the clarity will come. It took me 19 years walking this mundane earth to realize how important some things are and how unimportant other things are. Nineteen years under these stars.