I Dream of Detroit

I dream of words unwritten;
      In a language where periods need not be dotted
      Where “t’s” need not be crossed-
I dream of dialects unspoken;
      In a voice enunciation need not to be stressed,
      Where infliction is definitions-
Sight through subconscious is unfathomed to the minds eye
Leaving dreams to be safe from
For what can one feel in the absence of a body?
The lack there of? Or the presence of obscurity?
I dream of music unplayed;
      In a sound only heard through script,
Where distance articulates quality-
I dream of things unseen and not to have happened;
      Retention is a curse, and the forgotten is blessed-
But as I rise from once was;
      I’ve lost it all-
I dream of words unsaid;
      Cursed by memory.
      Decided through ignorance.

MIA

I am from which I was created. Do not judge me on my exterior for it is made with flaws. Instead, judge the actions I accent with the words I write. But the words I write do not reflect the action I do. Just as any other human being, I make mistakes everyday. As I said before, what good is a man who contradicts his own efforts.

At that point, I was talking on the vitality of effective leadership. A more personal issue ha arisen. I fear I have lost my best friend because she is exactly what I am becoming; heartless. It is obvious that my emotions are gradually slipping out of my grasp. My walk is more stiff. My speech is lees motivating. My writings are less powerful.

I stated in an earlier blog that I am trying to get back to the man I used to be, but as a wise woman told me, "Make sure that man you are attempting to be is worth getting back to." But he is not worth it. Honestly, I have caused too many tears and see many more awaiting me as I travel down this path. The question is "Do I cause tears for others or carry on to my own emotional demise?"

I am from which I was created. My father's father's father was known as a man of great motivation. As they say in my father's hometown, these motivational tactics have only grown through the generations of Browns. As you know, I am BeMoBrown meaning exactly what it says. I follow a lineage of greatness and I am in constant strive for the highest. But in this 20th year of my life, I fear that I am becoming exactly what I demise the most. Heartless.

Defying Gravity/20 years

A wise man once told me that when we’re young we think we’re immortal but it is when we get old, we realize or mortality and become afraid. Well here it is, the day I celebrate 20 years of defying the laws of gravity and I am far from afraid. I am anxious. I have never feared death because my religious socialization has taught me that this physical body is only the beginning of something great. I am anxious because I am ready to answer my calling. My religion teaches me that God has given each of us a purpose, a calling, a dream to chase, and a dream to actualize. I do not know every religion, and I’m not here to sell you mine, but to a certain extent, everyone believes that they are on this earth for a certain reason.

As I sat in church today, I watched the preachers preach, I saw the shouters shout, I ignored the nay-sayers nay-say, and I dwelled upon my purpose. I am Moses. In my religion, God is a God of the disenchanted, the disenfranchised, the minority, and the unspoken for. In Exodus, these people are the Hebrews. In my home of America, these people consist of black people. Moses was not born of the Hebrew slaves for God wanted him to see the freedom the Hebrews, Moses’ people, could enjoy. I was not born onto the slaves for the same reason. Moses had faith that God’s word would lead him to free his people. I hope that God’s word will shine through these words to free my people. Moses realized his purpose, answered his calling, chased his dream, and actualized that dream. In case you didn’t know, this is the realization of my purpose, my preverbal phone rings and this is the answer to my calling, I ignore gravity so that I am in constant pursuit of my dreams. Moses freed his people through the word of God. The Apostles and Prophets that followed him lead his people to God. I will free my people, not from physical slavery in which we have abolished, but from the bars of this jail that are made by the slave inferiority complex complicated by the prison-industrial complex that disproportionally effects my people, the disenchanted, the disenfranchised, the minority, and the unspoken for and inspire those who follow me to lead my people to greatness.

This anxiousness comes to now avail because as in death, with age comes the exponential growth of passion. And as long as there is an atom of oxygen running through my pumping heart, I will not stop, I will not turn my back, I will not fear old Pharaoh, I will denounce the injustices of the enchanted, the franchised, the majority, and the self spoken for. With God on my side, WHOM shall I fear? So, I encourage you to realize your purpose, answer your calling, chase your dreams, and actualize those dreams regardless of differing religion, race, cultural background, social façade, age, socialization status, political party, or opinion. With 20 years behind me, who will join this defiance of gravity?

Mr. Morton

"I'm tired payin taxes, sendin emails and faxes, tired of crooked cops, tired of black folks complain that crime wont stop. I wanna go to a place where lovers go, do the things that lovers do, no stress, a sweet caress from me to u."

It's been a long time since I actually attempted to pursue a young lady that was worth my time and actually reached my standards. The time has come where I have met such a woman. Now, I'm baffled at how to handle this situation. I going to be blunt, I have failed many times in these types of situations, many times.
Needless to say I'm trying really hard not to fuck this one up. The problem is I keep second guessing myself. I don't wanna creep her out by talking too much and at the same token I don't want to not talk and make her think I'm not interested, cause I am. It's been a long time since I've had to do this. Maybe, I should just be myself. Problem is myself is the same person that was fucking up in the past. I know she should like me for me but it's all about presentation. Sometimes I wish I was Mr. Morton:


But then again, I'm a man. I already know the pains of rejection. I mean how much worse could it really get. I have learned, while under these stars, that life is nothing if you have no one to share it with. I'm far from desperate or in need of a woman to complete me. But sometimes, I wish I had someone waiting for me when I got back to my dorm or someone I could chill with in a romantic setting. Friends can only do so much. I am nowhere near lonely ,but a female companion would be real nice. That is all I ask for.

Going to House

A lifetime without words is a pointless and useless life without expression and happiness. It's been a while since the last time I have written anything outside of school. I have a lot of things to talk about.

As I was walking to my temporary home I was thinking, exactly what is home? Some say home is where the heart is, but is the heart established in a particular territory. After talking amongst a few of my peers, they say that home is not necessarily a particular space, but can be identified as the place where you can say you learned the most. In my case that would be Greenwood, Mississippi. In actuality, Mississippi is a place where I spent the least amount of time during my 19 years under the stars. So how does time effect where your heart is and therefore where your home is? Home, to me, can not be defined by territory. I hear people around me say they're going home to Baltimore or some far off state. When I say I go home, I go to the place that settles my soul. Home is simply in words. A lot of people may not understand that concept and I do not expect a lot of people to understand how articles, adverbs, adjectives, and conjunctions could ease one's soul. Well let's see. In life there are few constants. Even the constants that we think are constants are actually not. Words are a combination of an ever changing constant. Rarely do definitions change but often writing changes. In other words, writing will never leave me and as long as my mind still fathoms the concept of variation, repetition, and pronunciation, words will forever be my home.