Mr. Morton

"I'm tired payin taxes, sendin emails and faxes, tired of crooked cops, tired of black folks complain that crime wont stop. I wanna go to a place where lovers go, do the things that lovers do, no stress, a sweet caress from me to u."

It's been a long time since I actually attempted to pursue a young lady that was worth my time and actually reached my standards. The time has come where I have met such a woman. Now, I'm baffled at how to handle this situation. I going to be blunt, I have failed many times in these types of situations, many times.
Needless to say I'm trying really hard not to fuck this one up. The problem is I keep second guessing myself. I don't wanna creep her out by talking too much and at the same token I don't want to not talk and make her think I'm not interested, cause I am. It's been a long time since I've had to do this. Maybe, I should just be myself. Problem is myself is the same person that was fucking up in the past. I know she should like me for me but it's all about presentation. Sometimes I wish I was Mr. Morton:


But then again, I'm a man. I already know the pains of rejection. I mean how much worse could it really get. I have learned, while under these stars, that life is nothing if you have no one to share it with. I'm far from desperate or in need of a woman to complete me. But sometimes, I wish I had someone waiting for me when I got back to my dorm or someone I could chill with in a romantic setting. Friends can only do so much. I am nowhere near lonely ,but a female companion would be real nice. That is all I ask for.

Emergency

I saw my first black firefighter the other day. As I was walking down that oh-so familiar street of rebellion, past the corner of thought and frustration, towards home, I heard the sound. Upon hearing this sound, I knew that an emergency was amidst. That somewhere, unknown to my presence, someone was in distress, discontent, and disorientation ;and needed to be saved from either themselves or from an aspect of their environment. The sound approached from the back but I had no interest in looking back because I knew what approached. First I recognized the front of the vehicle and knew that it was a red engine firetruck. For a moment time stood still and my mind reverted to a memory of my childhood.
When I was in kindergarten, I was sick the day the class went to the fire station. Therefore, I had not seen a red engine fire truck when the rest of the class did. Needless to say, the rest of the class did see a red engine firetruck. The day I returned to school, I distinctly remember playing on the third rung of the jungle gym. The same sound that was entering my ears in my conscience mind was playing, the fire truck engine siren. I looked in amazement in hope to see the red engine fire truck that I had not seen before. As soon as the red of the truck could be processed in my 5 year old mind, the little boy next to me said, "Oh that's no big deal, we saw those yesterday." And all the other kids continued back to their games of tag and other childish follies. From that point on, red engine fire trucks never amazed me.
So in non-amazement I watched the front of the red engine fire truck pass by, but as the red engine fire truck passed, something caught my eye. And until that moment I never realized that I had not seen one. Hanging from the back of the truck was a black fireman. To others he just looked like another black man, but to me he was a superhero. To me he was the real life John Henry. A black man that was often overlooked because of his skin complexion, but would do his damnedest until his heart gave out. And I stood on the sidewalk like a 5 year old kid in awe of my childhood hero that I met 14 years late. I say all that to say, do not let society make you forget that black heroes are more than people on T.V. that where suits and give speeches. My heroes are those with wisdom, not knowledge.

Villiain

What makes me different from most people is a sense of ruthless aggression towards a given passion. I will die over something that I am strongly passionate about. There lies the inquisitive ultimatum. If I am to have this ruthless aggression for something I think is right and society thinks is right then that makes me a hero. I would be on the lines Superman, Batman, The Hulk, Spiderman, The Fantastic four, or even Aquaman. BUT, if I were to fight for something that is right to me and wrong to society, then that would make me a villain. I would be in the league with Lex Luthor, The Joker, The Abomination, The Green Goblin, Dr. Doom, or the Black Manta. I am at a crossroads of my life. I have always felt that with my hands and my mind, I have the power to change the world. The thing that frightens me a little is the oh so important decision between heroism and villain.
Now looking at the two different classifications from a narrow mind, I can see the vast difference between the two. One does good and one does evil. But is evil not an aid to good. I'm no devil worshiper, but Satan brings a lot of people into the light of The Lord. Think about it, people of the church blame all bad things on the devil and the temptations that the devil offers. In response to those temptations, they turn to The Lord. I am a proud Christian. I know that whenever the devil tempts us, we turn to God. So is there really an evil or a socially unaccepted or an unattractive hero? With evil, good would seem unimportant.
What bothers me is my ignorance of what society says. That makes me more of a villain. Honestly, I'll take being a villain towards ignorance. A mere mortal powered by the creator of the yellow sun. Sent from the heavens to rid this world of its problems. Future is unknown, present is apparent, past is an instructional manual. Brown. Damn it feels good to be unattractive.

Where?

Can somebody please tell me what happened to all the free thinkers? I can remember a time in my life when people did things for the satisfaction of themselves and not the approval of other people. A time where minds were free to question any variable in life, regardless of tradition or history. Somewhere during my 19 years under these stars, people started to "evolve" into straight line thinkers. A straight line thinker is an individual that will only see an aspect in one view. If something funny happens to a mass group of people, then it's funny to that person. Basically they have no opinion of their own, but fall in line with what others say. These people are the people you see in cults or follow every fashion/trend or live by the words of Lil Wayne, Jeezy, or any other individual that is not a religious deity. In consequence, straight line thinkers usually live in misery and depression. The Bible even says in Romans chapter 12 verse 2,

"And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what that is good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God."

Even God Himself says be not conformed to the ways of the world. Straight line thinkers think they should have credit for every idea because new ideas in their narrow minds are rare.

What happened to all the free thinkers? Does age act as kryponite to the super human strength of free thinkers minds? What powers did W.E.B. DuBois, Booker T. Washington, Gandhi, Huey P. Newton, Bobby Seale, Angela Davis, Stockley Carmichael, Malcolm X, MLK Jr., Jackie Robinson, Emmit Teale's mother, Rosa Parks, James Baldwin, Zora Neale Hurston, Langston Hughes, Nietzsche, Shakespeare, Jesus, and many other unnamed free thinkers have to not be overcome with temptation to conform to this world? Was it that they wore lead body suits to protect them from the evil essence of kryptonite? Or did they take one of Phizers countless drugs to keep their sane mind? Or was it simply that they took every opinion as an opinion and NOT fact like so many people of this time do? Maybe if people would educate themselves art would never be banned, free thinkers would not conform for the inheritance of a quick dollar, writers would not fear writing the truth, liberating musicians would not be considered strange, people would actually listen instead of judge, or maybe people would actually give a fuck about other people. But what do I know, I just think for myself.