Where?

Can somebody please tell me what happened to all the free thinkers? I can remember a time in my life when people did things for the satisfaction of themselves and not the approval of other people. A time where minds were free to question any variable in life, regardless of tradition or history. Somewhere during my 19 years under these stars, people started to "evolve" into straight line thinkers. A straight line thinker is an individual that will only see an aspect in one view. If something funny happens to a mass group of people, then it's funny to that person. Basically they have no opinion of their own, but fall in line with what others say. These people are the people you see in cults or follow every fashion/trend or live by the words of Lil Wayne, Jeezy, or any other individual that is not a religious deity. In consequence, straight line thinkers usually live in misery and depression. The Bible even says in Romans chapter 12 verse 2,

"And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what that is good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God."

Even God Himself says be not conformed to the ways of the world. Straight line thinkers think they should have credit for every idea because new ideas in their narrow minds are rare.

What happened to all the free thinkers? Does age act as kryponite to the super human strength of free thinkers minds? What powers did W.E.B. DuBois, Booker T. Washington, Gandhi, Huey P. Newton, Bobby Seale, Angela Davis, Stockley Carmichael, Malcolm X, MLK Jr., Jackie Robinson, Emmit Teale's mother, Rosa Parks, James Baldwin, Zora Neale Hurston, Langston Hughes, Nietzsche, Shakespeare, Jesus, and many other unnamed free thinkers have to not be overcome with temptation to conform to this world? Was it that they wore lead body suits to protect them from the evil essence of kryptonite? Or did they take one of Phizers countless drugs to keep their sane mind? Or was it simply that they took every opinion as an opinion and NOT fact like so many people of this time do? Maybe if people would educate themselves art would never be banned, free thinkers would not conform for the inheritance of a quick dollar, writers would not fear writing the truth, liberating musicians would not be considered strange, people would actually listen instead of judge, or maybe people would actually give a fuck about other people. But what do I know, I just think for myself.

19th

Nineteen years under these stars. While the stars haven’t really changed, I have. It's funny how four years ago I would not have imagined my life being like this. NIneteen years on this earth doesn’t seem long to old people, but 19 years is a lifetime to me. Nineteen years under this unseen force of gravity. While it keeps me grounded, sometimes I want it to ease up and let me fly. Here I am on the 19th year of my life and I ask myself, what has changed? I have realized that life is much more than a heavily dictated metaphor that makes someone smile and say, “You know Bryant is kind of smart.” Some may say that at this point in their life they wish to be rich or have things easy, but if there is one thing that I have figured out in these 19 years is that without struggle, there is no identity. Bryant, are you saying struggle is necessary? Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying. People that do not struggle tend to be fucked up. I do not look for struggle and I do not avoid struggle. In these 19 years I have made my mistakes and have reached some of my goals. I have also surprised myself. They say that most people find themselves in college. I have yet to find myself completely but I have become closer to the source that will bring me closer to finding my identity. I have always compared my life to a dark room in which I’m trying to get out of. Before, I was wandering with my eyes closed and trying to feel my way to the door. Now I have opened my eyes and realized that this room is really a big mansion and now I have a flashlight. My future is no longer in question due to its journey. I always knew that I wanted to change the negatives of my people and make this world a better place by doing so. Honestly I could give less than two damns about politics because the revolution will not come in the form of reform or passed bills or constitutional amendments. This radical change in society will come in the form of people changing people. If I could, my major would be role model, but now that need for helping people has evolved. While some try to convince me my decisions are going to be too hard for me to bear, but as I have stated before I do not avoid struggle nor do I long for it. As a child I often watched the preachers of my life speak and make the uncommon seem familiar. I often questioned how they could do such a powerful thing? How can one man speak for 45 minutes once a week and have this great influence? In these 19 years of my life I have found out that it’s not the method, it’s the message. Nineteen years under these stars and I have questioned, rebelled, rejected, and avoided the most influential factor in my life, God. I have spent many of hours asking for forgiveness for my stupidity and I think God has placed a task in front of me. He asked me to spread his word, but not just from a Christian point of view, but from the pulpit. Now I see that all the aspects of my life in these 19 years under the stars all add up. The struggle, the need to help people, the message, and most importantly God, and it all makes sense. Nineteen years under these stars and while the stars have not changed, the stars have changed me. Regardless of what my parent may try to comprehend, I will pursue this dream. The eyes of the ordinary may not understand this, honestly, I do not fully understand it all yet. But through prayer and meditation the clarity will come. It took me 19 years walking this mundane earth to realize how important some things are and how unimportant other things are. Nineteen years under these stars.

It all makes sense

This is all a dream. I'll wake up at 4:36 in the morning on a Monday of the 3rd week of August and realize that I'm late for band camp. In my run to the field I'll realize that my freshman year hasn't even begun. I'll tell all the band people that I don't yet know about the realest dream I've ever had. They'll all laugh at me and instantly, I'll become the new crazy guy in the band. This must be a dream because in the real world, what person has such a great life? Regardless of the bumps that happen every time I roll over, this dream was the best. Other than in a dream, where can an individual meet such good people. When I say good people, I don't mean people that are perfect. These good people are the best people in the world. These good people help me realize that my dreams are attainable. These good people have told me that regardless of my personal fears, all goals are lateral, only a quick jog away.

To the Band
The lessons I've learned can not be close to being captured in words. Just when a person thinks he knows himself, he learns something new. Just when a person thinks he can't push any further, you say keep pushing. I can't wait til I wake up because these dreams of greatness will definitely motivate my reality. They have done greatness for this small piece of subliminal life.

To The Phreaks
Bricks
Brains
Board
Bruises.
None of these have the potential of possibly explaining how my drive phor, not just band, but phor LIFE have been increased. If only this wasn't a dream, I could show you how miserable my life really is, but in this dream, I will PHorever be thankful and great-phul for the inspiration. In reality I will use this inspiration to get me through the tough times that are assured to come.

To my Drew Hall Brothers,
I Love MY Drew Hall. You already know. I can't imagine Howard without my heatbox of a room. This dream has been comforted by this Full Twin and these hot sheets. More importantly, my Drew Hall brothers have given me something that I haven't had in a long time, Home. As a child I never had brothers. I never experienced a brother-to-brother bond or fight. Honestly, I think I might have had too many, but I'll neva get tired of them. Maybe when I wake up, I can fully enjoy it.

To my Ace
I’m guessing that in every dream, you need a guide. As I sit here and wonder what the purpose of this dream is, I realize that my guide is an exact replica of what I am. So in essence I can't stand anything about me, but will die in protecting all senses of myself. Therefore, Ace, this journey is far from over. Whenever I awake, I will find you again and we shall do great things.

To the bear, the steroid king, mighty Sparta, yoshi, and the rest of the crew,
I pray to the heavens that whenever this journey of a dream is over, I will awake and a group of friends who are as loyal and trustworthy will exist. In many ways the steam engine that makes one stop at my dreams is powered by your water. Your tolerance of my craziness is impeccable. All of you will be needed in my awoken world.

For the girl who drove me crazy
You are the bearer of headaches. How I met yo crazy ass in my dreams still amazes me. But like I always say, no struggle no identity. Somehow, even after all the time you pissed me off to no ends, I came back. I returned embracing your every move and want. In my dream, I now realize that you symbolize the struggle that I love. The pain that I am soooooo addicted to. It's really going to take the rest of this dream to act as rehab against this horrible addiction. But remember, I still love you and will look for you in my awaken state.

For the girl I let go too easy
You asked me, who was my biggest crush in this dream. I did not answer. I can remember in the genesis of the dream, you reminded me of everything a proud black woman should be. Your skin radiated with the glow of my ancestors smile. Your smile reflected the memories of struggles boasted upon by old black folk on country porches. Your hair was locked like my soul is tied to my people. I could have sworn I met the woman of…well my dreams. But I soon realized that you were not mine to have. You were a symbol of the fight I have yet prepared myself for. When I wake from this dream, I will prepare myself for the fight ahead. Because rather later in this dream or in reality, I will NOT lose this fight again.

For the girl I’m not done with yet.
After many attempts, it would seem that I have failed. I can't stop missing you and I can't help but wait. In this dream maybe you’re a puzzle that I can't figure out. You grab my attention with your mystery and your intellect. In this dream, I am not done trying to unlock all the goodies from your mind. You have to have some kind of effect on me because you led me to baldness. When I awake, it would be unfair for God to withhold you from my life. But if it is to happen, No doubt, I will riot to the heavens just for your presence.

So, As I roll in my unconscious state of life, I realize that my dreams must change with my realities. But Life is so FUCKIN GOOD. I’m RIDIN HIGH. Now I just wait till I awake.

Ah

It never ceases to amaze me when I see a blank page and a keyboard awaiting my percussive strokes on the various letters.

In the essence of time, my space is insignificant. Therefore, as a man, I should not do things for personal glory. My Father and father told me a long time ago that a man is one who keeps his eyes on the the Lord, takes cares of his responsibilities to his family, and uplifts himself as a part of his community. Therefore, what am I? It is easy to SAY you are a man. As my best friend once asked me, "What are you doing?" At that time I said nothing.

As a human being there are three different types of decisions we make as individuals. There are small decisions: left or right. There are medium decisions: pants or shorts. There are hard decisions: yes or no. Honestly, there are some decisions that we as humans can not make. I believe that history is written before the books are published. What a person does is already predetermined. Life is not how breath commenced in one's infant body or the last breathe in your lungs. The goal is set. The bar has been put to its maximum height. Life is not the preface or the afterward. Life is the novel. Life is not the capital letter or the punctuation. Life is the adjective. In other words, life is the process.

In many and abundant ways, a man's actions are much more potent and concentrated than his words. So why is art so important to the survival of one's individual mind? Many people tend to conform to the rules and regulations of society. Some of these rules are vital to the survival of the individual. On the other hand there are unwritten rules of society that people don't have to follow, but choose to follow regardless. These rules are pointless and have probably been instilled into the minds of most individuals. Why? It is perfectly fine to follow these rules but ignorant to follow any rules without questioning the foundations of the institution. That's where art is the main means of survival in an ignorant world. Only through art can an individual appreciate something for what they want it to be. Only in these words can a person analyze, depict, destruct, and destroy any concept known to the mind of man.

All together.

Today I was asked, "Who are you?". In the context of the conversation, the question was supposed to be hurtful and have an underlying point of saying I have no identity in the mind of the individual. Men make mistakes and men understand the concept that life is much more than one decision. What I do in one situation can not outline nor define me. The definition of me is so complex so complicated that the essence of an adjective could not depict the nouns that surround the overall presence of the smallest atom in this shell called my body. The definition of me could not be fathomed by the descriptive adverbs that help the verbs complete actions that are pointless and yet so potent in action. The definition of me could not hold the concept of defining an article that is neither definite nor indefinite but definitely one of the above. Therefore causing an inverted and self-inflicted identity crisis in concrete words such as 'a' or 'the'. My art outreaches the nucleus of your ignorance, so I would advise you to never question or attempt to form words to define me. or you will be lost.

none

You know whats funny, Life. It is amazing how at one moment you can be on the most amazing pursuit of happyness and the next moment you feel happyness is a distant and a fantasy like ideal. An ideal thats confuses you like the concept of love. This may sound depressing, but when does one actually reach happyness? I always wanted to ask a Buddhist's, "How do you know if you haven't already reached Nirvana?" If life is about the pursuit of happyness, will it really be worth it once you obtain it. For me, the struggle of finding solutions has always given me a kick. So when the answers have been found and put into practice...whats next? After you have reached all of your goals and have obtained all of dreams, what do you do? Well, I suppose, one will never reach happyness because the goal in which you desire will change.

I dont know if anybody knew, but one of my many dreams as a child was to be a rockstar like most children wanted to be. In my case, I always wanted to be rapper. I dont think anyone can deny that as a child they sung their favorite while imagining they were performing a concert. Lord knows i did that to every will smith song that came on the radio. Side note: will smith is one of my favorite rappers. Recently i was blessed with the opportunity to record three songs. A dance, a fight, and a conscience song. I am convinced that the rap career is not my forte. I can say that i have fulfilled one of my dreams. to fulfill a dream feels like a laugh at funeral after watching your father crack jokes even in the aftermath of his fathers death. To all my poets out there, to fulfill a dream feels like that fifth to twelfth line when everything just flows free. To fulfill a dream feels like your first two points in a basketball game or your first touchdown in football or your first hit in baseball or your first goal in soccer. To fulfill a dream feels like you have actually achieved this mysterious happyness. BUT, as my mother says their is a negative to every positive. So here i am, MR. REVOULUTION, trying to rap. I quickly realized that in those three songs, i did everything that i dispise about my people. I called women bitches, called black men niggas, and spoke on actions i don't do.

My happyness was halted because i spoke on things that were socially acceptable. Now this is a great point. Socially acceptable. During the course of my life i have been all types of different. but the adjective that stands out the most is weird. This is perfectly fine with me because normal just ain't right. Whats funny to me are those who try to fit within the parameters of society acceptability. Those people are weird. People who dress in a fad. Those who speak a dialect that is different from their own just to fit into the regulations of cool. When i recollected on this, i realized that i ,again, had contradicted myself. Thus, the bald head. Honestly, I don't give two parts of a loose shit what anybody had to say about and still don't. This will probably not offend anyone because most of ya'll will probably scroll to the bottom, leave a shitty ass comment and goon with your day. Not to disrespect other writers, but why is it that erotic writers and those who write about self actualization get more respect than writers who speak conscience subjects. Like my old motto states, if sex sells, i will forever be without money but rich in words. So you see, even within my own actions and passions, i find and lose happyness.

Nigga

He said, he’s not a black man, he’s a nigga,
He said, he’s not a black man, he’s a nigga,
He said, he’s not a black man, he’s a nigga,
He said, I’m not a black man I’m a nigga.

In that quick second, my whole being was frozen in clouds doubt
And my soul dropped lower than my body’s leniency would allow,
My universe exploded, leaving a poisonous and deadly sun-blockin dust
Ignorance wasn’t exiled so niggas still use excuse like I don’t know and just cause
They call my sisters bitches and sluts no matter what,
Only thing my voice could project was what the fuck?
Why should I be stressed by our personal oppression,
Carrying the weight of our niggerish regression?
My energy steady pressin my brain in to find pointless solution and answers
My body shut in the constant fear of cancer
So I dreamt of a dancer, her hair naturally nappy
She exiled her ignorance so she’s constantly happy
Has the body of what everyman wants they woman to be
But leaves it to the imagination because she don’t want everybody to see.
Understands the struggle, favorite song is read a book
Hates the radio cause her brothers have turned into crooks
No other men spit game because they know she sees the truth
Her name is Revolution but for short I call her Lu
In my dream I marry her and vow to her knowledge
Promise the fate of my people, just to pay homage
And in more than February they would acknowledge
That this great people are in face of great promise
Then I wake to the world

He said, he’s not a black man, he’s a nigga,
He said, he’s not a black man, he’s a nigga,
He said, he’s not a black man, he’s a nigga,
He said, I’m not a black man I’m a nigga.

In that quick second, my whole being was frozen in clouds doubt
And my soul dropped lower than my body’s leniency would allow,
My universe exploded, leaving a poisonous and deadly sun-blockin dust
Ignorance wasn’t exiled so niggas still use excuse like I don’t know and just cause
They call my sisters bitches and sluts no matter what,
Only thing my voice could project was what the fuck?
I’ll search for her, but Lu I’ll never find
And even if my body shuts down, she’ll still be in my mind
Sharing her passionate thoughts and crying tears of concentrated inspiration,
Leaving my brain wanting and desiring constant and frequent education
For I have sparked her essence and use everything she has given
And she will move on whether or whether not I’m livin.
My first objective free my mind of this society’s prison
The next…well it seems pretty given.

He said, he’s not a black man, he’s a nigga,
He said, he’s not a black man, he’s a nigga,
He said, he’s not a black man, he’s a nigga,
I said, he's a black man, not a nigga.
Change.

Hot fries and a Fruit Punch

Hopefully you will get it.

Hot fries and a Fruit Punch
Hot fries and a Fruit Punch
Don’t ask me for too much,
Just got Hot fries and a Fruit Punch

Simplicity
Really the antagonist of complexity
Legacy
Construing the path for those next to me
Destiny
Bespeaking the checkpoints for the rest of we
Felicity
Act of disguising of what is close to me.

Hot fries and a Fruit Punch
Hot fries and a Fruit Punch
Don’t ask me for too much,
Just got Hot fries and a Fruit Punch

Survival
Subsisting without demise to the rival
Denial
Ingesting the verdict before the trial
Revival
Elating the spirits who’ve been defiled
Arrival
Fighting for a victory to see my people smile

Hot fries and a Fruit Punch
Hot fries and a Fruit Punch
Don’t ask me for too much,
Just got Hot fries and a Fruit Punch

My simplicity, legacy, and destiny is not shown through my felicity
Doubting the denial, will lead to the survival, revival ad arrival
My people, I guess the goal is to be equal
While the fire is getting hot, Hot fries and Fruit Punch is what we got.

An immature form of nourishment and hydration,
Steak and fries will arrive when we become patience
Change is here it’s just a little belated
Keep your eyes on the prize and your mind on the rise.

Hot fries and a Fruit Punch
Hot fries and a Fruit Punch
Don’t ask me for too much,
Just got Hot fries and a Fruit Punch