Old Blog Post13 (2-19-06)

As my mind searches for answers that are already known, I realize that although some pains are no longer existent, that does not take away from the pain it causes. Pains that you swore not to feel, still urk and haunt the very esscence of the love you are tryin to find. How does one as myself get over the heartbreak of someone you no longer feel for. How is it that one day your ready to sacrifice the whole world just for the presence of one person and the next day your just...shit. I got love for anyone I've ever been involved with, but this mutha-fucka here make me wanna hate her. In noway is this a judgment or an attempt to reuin the love that was meant to be. You see, Mamma always told me that I should not be second to anyone, and by accepting to be second I lost a piece of me. I'm not gone lie, after the "relationship" was over I was not Brown, or Bryant, I was some nigga I don't even know. For a while I tried to be somethin I'm not. I tried being the very thing that I oppose. I spit game that was not even mine, my style changed, my walked changed, my message changed, my speech changed, and I even rejected the words that have comforted though the years of my life, poetry. But I guess when God is tryin to tell you somethin, he will make you listen. So in esscence, this girl, this termoil, this ache, is no more than a hinderence to what and who I really am. I am Brown. In the begininig, God made man from earth. Thus making the essence of man earth. If earth is man and man is earth and earth is brown as brown is earth, then the essecnce of man is Brown. From this point on the termoil of the past shall no longer haunt me. The fear of the future shall no longer hinder me. The aches of the present shall no longer subdue me. Forget not that I am human, for I also weep when sad, dream when sleep, and make mistakes. From this point on the letter "C" will no longer burn my heart like acid reflux. My back seat will no longer eat my conscience like the soul of a forgotten man. Let love restore my heart, for it is THE MARVELOUS RETURN OF BROWN.